not a poem, just a take off on a quotation

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by theleastofthese, Aug 14, 2006.

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  1. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    "The vast majority of men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go prematurely to the grave with the song long since beaten out of them. And oh, what could have been..." taken from Henry David Thoreau

    It would be a good start to a poem but I can't get beyond those first words. Anyone here want to have a go at it? Expand it? Expound on it? There are lots of you who could make a lovely and poigniant (sp?) piece from it.

    Invitation: To make a poem of the above quoted lines.

    love, writer's blockhead,

    least

    the pen is in your court now...
     
  2. ari

    ari Staff Alumni

    oh what could have been
    what is in my mind in my dreams
    what i have always wished to be
    the if's that lay inside,
    that take pieces of me slowly dying
    no matter the shoulds
    because there are no more coulds
    i can not make life be what it should have, could have, if only been
    this is the way, there is no changing fates destiny
    the only thing is that I cannot see
     
  3. Ok, I'll bite - though I'm a wreck - what a fabulous invitation. And see here Least, even with your 'block', in one of those weird twisted blessings in disguise, you still manage to inspire. T'is a strange gift...you still have it, it's just appearing in a different way (love to you)

    Ah, for What If’s
    and Might Have Been’s
    All that’s so far passed
    is too much seen
    of heaving sorrow,
    robbing the soul
    of hope for tomorrow
    Binding, and blinding the overburdened heart
    to the chance and willingness to start
    anew;
    to want to see and know
    beyond such all-consuming woe


    FAL1
     
  4. BelovedDreamer

    BelovedDreamer Well-Known Member

    Lovely idea, Least.

    Here's my attempt:

    The vast majority of men
    lead lives of quiet desperation,
    and go
    prematurely to the grave
    with the song long
    since beaten out of them.
    And oh, what could have been...
    And oh, what could have been…
    Had I not taken
    Your head between my hands
    Too late
    And long past
    Your song’s expiration date.
    And oh, if I had never had
    That part of me you could have loved
    Raped and beaten.
    And oh, what could have bloomed
    In the mulch of our tired souls
    The things We could have done
    You and I
    If we could have outstripped
    The genetic maps
    That made us choose to run
    And wish to die.
    And oh, what might have been
    If our two lives had met
    Before older loves
    Took us to our graves
    Maybe my loving you could have staved
    Off the tide of desperation
    That brought you to this place.
     
  5. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Dearly Beloved and FAL1;

    Beautiful results, both of you. I CANNOT write. It won't come, and when it does, it reads like shit, like an elementary school child's "first poem" - ugh.:dry:

    Thank you both for writing what I cannot.

    the least of all these
     
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