Not a positive message, but the truth, to myself.

Discussion in 'Positive Feelings and Motivational Messages' started by oval, May 29, 2012.

  1. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    You are and always have been wrong. Everything you wanted me to believe about myself, was wrong. When you say my husband will definitely cheat on me and I will always be alone and miserable, you are wrong. When you say I will never have a good job and will always be poor and am too stupid to go to college, you are wrong. When you say that I am a *****, you are wrong. When you say I am nothing and would have died if not for you, you are wrong. You are wrong bc you made no difference and I survived without you. Even back then I survived without you.
    Nothing I am, I am thanks to you. I made myself to who I am today, not you.

    You wanted me to be depended on you, you wanted my life to entirely evolve around you. Yes, you wanted me to look at you as a saint, the almighty, a god. You didn't want me to get a job and gain independence bc you wanted me to be weak and to be dependent on you. That's why you have tried all these years to completely destroy my self esteem. So I could never leave. So I would be "yours" like a pet. I was supposed to be your servant, give you that kick that you want, the feeling of being admired. You wanted me to think nothing of myself. And for the longest time I believe you.
    You made me believe I am stupid and not good enough. Nothing I ever did was good enough. If not good enough for my own father than I must really be inadequate, a nothing, I should punish myself for being so bad, i should kill myself right? No, bc then I wouldn't be able to be there for you, to give you satisfaction, to admire you, you kiss the ground you walk on.

    I don't think you actually see me or have ever seen me. I don't think you see anyone but yourself. I felt invisible, bc you were the only one I had in the entire world and you didn't see me. In your eyes I am noting but an instrument you use for your own ego. Even when I wrote you a long letter in my desperation, about how depressed I was, how I cut myself and what negative impact you had on me, you didn't even read it and threw it on my deskt. You don't want to see me and most importantly, you can't see your mistakes bc in your eyes you are unable to make mistakes, you are pefect and I'm scum. Those were your own words. You never make mistakes. You have made more mistakes in your life than you will ever know.

    They should have never left me with you. There was only one person who saw who you really were. She always asked me if you were touching me at night and if I still shared the bed with you. I think the others knew too, they must have, no one liked you, they all know how you are. But they didn't do anything.

    You were always wrong. You ARE and WERE always wrong. You are flawed, not me. It's not that you didn't know better, you are twisted. never will I do that to my children! I will be a damn good mother. I moved thousands of miles away from you, I have a great, supportive husband who loves me very much and who I will have children with. I am so much happier being away from you, I would have never thought the difference would be this significant. It's incredible and I'm amazed how good life can be. You are the root of all evil. Now you are trying to guilt trip me, saying you were sick and I shouldn't be so selfish and come back to you, abandon my good life (for the first time) and my husband here, just so I could come to you and make you happy, have you treat me like shit and be your pet.

    You made your bed, now lay in it.

    I'm a good, valuable, nice person and I deserve a good life. I'm on the way to recovery and you are an obstacle. You are toxic and very bad for me to have in my life. Therefore i choose not to Have you in my life. That is what every single person told me lol if only you knew what everyone thinks of you. You've done nothing but make me hate myself and life.
    but I have a new, fresh, better start now and my whole life ahead of me. And I will make it from here! The seeds of self destruction and hate you planted in my head will slowly rot until one day they will be nothing but a bad memory. You have not broken me. If anything, it made me wiser. Not stronger as they always say, but wiser. And that wisdom I gained will help me to recover.

    Your daughter....