Not a temporary problem

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by setekh, Sep 4, 2011.

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  1. setekh

    setekh Member

    I've heard that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but in my case the problem has lasted all of my adult life, so it can hardly be described as temporary. I've always been a target for the hatred and contempt of others. I've been able to avoid it at times only by a rigorous process of deception in which I screen every word and gesture when in the company of others to avoid anything that might seem negative or provocative. But that is so difficult that it is like being on a stage playing a part every hour of every day. It's intellectually and emotionally exhausting. Who wants to live like that? The only solution is to stay away from other people, to keep interpersonal contact to the bare minimum necessary for survival. That, of course, means having no friends or family, ever, and maintaining a wary distance from anyone I must deal with in business. I'm weary of a life that has no meaning, no pleasure of any kind, and no hope. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts for many years and always managed to pull myself out of it, but for what? Nothing ever gets better, so my reward for overcoming the urge to suicide is to endure more pain. I often thought of suicide as an adolescent. If only I had known the misery that awaited me, I think I might have had to courage to do it. If not now, when?
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I can tell that you're having and have had a tough time with life. I'm sorry to hear that. On another note, it's a pleasure to meet you, and I'd like to give you a warm welcome back to the forums here. :hug: Wishing you the best...Mr. A
  3. musicalpsycho

    musicalpsycho Active Member

    I agree that depression is often a permanent thing because even "success story" cases where people have overcome it result in further bouts of it. I too put up a front where I often don't express much an opinion so people won't criticise me but only because I've found that human contact, no matter how fake it may seem, reduces depression for me. Also convenience is an absolute must so I could never live in Alaska or some other isolated place.
  4. albion

    albion Account Closed

    I'm sorry to hear of your predicament. Sometimes people take out their anger on others just to vent and other times they just don't know any better (poor role models/childhood, mental issues etc.). However, there are caring, empathetic people out there who will listen and not target you as an outlet for their 'hatred and contempt'. I'm sure you will find some on this forum. Guess what I'm saying is please don't give up. Wishing you the best :).
  5. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    Hi Setekh

    I agree it's not a temporary problem but suicide is a permanent solution.
    I've struggled forever as well but in between I have had moments, even if fleeting or imaginary...I have thoughts of what good looks like...have you?
    Do you have dreams? Goals?
    I know we often shoot those down with negative thoughts but are they there?
    If you are reading this I'd like to hear how you are doing.
  6. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I hear ya my problems aren't temporary either. My life is never going to get better and I'm never going to be happy so there is no point for me to carry on in this useless empty life for another 40- 50 yrs- no thanks! My misery ends in January :)
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