Today is a new beginning. Bull****. Today is a continuation of the last 54 years of pain, lonliness, sadness. Two major accidents: broadsided at 50 mph in 1991, and hit by a car as a pedestrian in 1995. Severe head injury in the first one. Chronic pain. Not one doctor NOT ONE will give me pain medication and I DON'T KNOW WHY! I live in pain - physical and mental. Been to three pain management clinics. Still no help. I am the least likely person in the world to be an addict...I HATE taking medicine, I HATE having a "buzz", I HATE drug hangovers the next morning, I HATE being dependent on drugs. All I'm asking for is a low dose pain pill once a week or so, so that I can just once get a good night's sleep! I have no hope of having any kind of a life. I may move from one poverty apartment to another, maybe eventually be able to save enough for a new poverty car, once in a while buy a $5 t-shirt from WalMart. I will never have a bunch of friends to hang out with, a college degree that I'm not too scared to do something with, a career I love, a real man to share my life with (I can't even stand to be touched!). Every doctor's appointment is weird for me because I was molested by a doctor at 13. I lost all my belongings and my home when SSI kicked me off after 5 years of being on it because I made the unforgiveable mistake of being the trustee on my sister's estate account when she died. 2 1/2 years later they finally put me back on. Oh boy. I'm rich. $696 a month. Already lost my paid off home. Own absolutely nothing now. Find pleasure in absolutely nothing. Tomorrow is a new day. G**D*****! Don't tell me that! I DO NOT WANT TO BE HERE ANY MORE!