The last week ive started feeling fine again...almost happy, well that ended tonight, i started to feel "down" again, but a much worse version of that. i dont know wut im gonna do with life, im stuck doing nothing for the past few years and i dont want to do anything, i dont see why any female would want to do anything with me in the situation im in. why cant i be like everyone else, being happy with the simple things in life, i dont know wut the hell im searching for that would make me happy and give some sort of meaning to my life. ive been asking people i know wut makes them happy in life, and its nothing special, they all tell me the usual things that most of the population does. i cant deal with this anymore. i dont wanna live, dont have the balls to kill myself, im living in the middle somewhere, some other reality. i dont feel like im part of the population, i feel like im a stranger walking around, everyone looks the same. i feel like giving up, but i dont know how, wut am i gonna do, i cant kill myself, i dont think i can do it. im stuck somewhere inbetween real life and my life. im just sitting here now and i dont have a fuckin clue wut to do. i feel like im just going to explode. im definetly gonna drink today, it always makes me forget my problems or atleast dulls them down. i think id be one of the only people who would be happy to see an asteroid heading for earth.