I'm scared now. Really scared. I'm tempted to do something and I looked it up if I would suffer from it or not. Obviously, it will do considerable damage. I thought that my spirituality that I was gaining from would help me come out of my suicidal thoughts. However, I'm thinking like this. I have a plan, but I have to buy it first. Last time when I had it, I had to throw the whole thing away and I thought that ended my cravings. Now, they're coming back and I'm struggling if I should get help since when you're suicidal, you don't want intervention so that you will follow through. I think if I tell someone, it would be a cop-out and I'm just seeking attention or a cry for help. I think if I really want to do it, I won't tell anyone. However, I'm contradicting myself because I'm posting this to tell you all what I'm thinking. I think if I had more life distractions that I would not have time to think about things like this. But because nothing is going on in my life, I'm conjuring this type of thinking. Just pray for me as I pray for myself that I will regain my strength to fight this demon that wants me to hurt or end my life in misery.