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not again...

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I fuck up all too often.

Say what you want, I suck.

It's great that when my older sister (that I've just recently begun contacting regularly) calls and leaves very polite voicemails, I don't even have the decency to return her calls.

Not only that, but she calls again, and I pikc up and swear at her. Why? I don't know. Did she do anything to me? No. She was being kind, lovely, perfectly civil.

But you can always count on Rae to become the sudden bitch.

I just can't stop thinking about thngs... I love her and I'm glad we're in contact and all, I need that part of me. But it's just not easy. So many things happened when we were younger. :cry:

I wish she'd phone back and call me out for being the piece of shit I am.

I am such a screw up! I hate the idea that I'm turning out like I've been raised, but I think I am. I screw up so much. I want to isolate myself. I probably will. No one deserves any of the shit I'm bound to put them through.

No more!

This is becoming ridiculous.


Well-Known Member
Rae, the reason that you swore at her instead of speaking politely is that you were stressed and were dealing with alot of things... People say things when they don't really mean it, sometimes good, sometimes bad... They just escape from one and another... theres nothing we can do about it apart from just apologising, regaining any trust etc... that may have been lost and then getting on with our lives... Stress and many other factors push us to do numerous things that we regret.

Now, I love you, Rae - You know that. You aren't a screw up, you're getting A's in your exams, you're raising your little sister and doing a good job, even when you shouldn't have to.

Trust me, you won't end up like your father or your mother, you know better, you've experianced the worst and from that, you've gained knowledge and learnt things/lessons that most people don't even know... Use them to bring out the best of you and to bring you out of the worst situations... Use me as well, that may not sound 50/50 and it isn't but... I don't care about me, Rae... I'd rather burn than see you or anyone else suffering. Vent/Rant at me, Rae, It's good for you and don't worry if you offend me or anything as i'm sure you won't and even if you do, I'm not going to let hell lose onto you or anyone else.

Try leaving a little message for your elder sister tomorrow, apologising and just trying to explain why you acted the way that you did, make sure that she knows that you regret what you did as from what I see, you most certainly do... People love it if you're honest and open.

Isolating yourself helps no one, not even yourself... from my experiance...

We're always here for you, Rae. Never lose that thought. :hug:

(Hey... if things get worse... I'll be on the first plane to America and i'm not joking... :blink: )
you are not a bitch and you are not evil. So many things have happened in your life Rae that should not have happened to you. I can't even begin to imagine the shit that you have gone through let alone come through as strong as you are. Give it time and give it faith that things will work out, regardless of whether in the end you have contact with your sister or not, remember what i said if you feel it's becomming to much take a step back and catch your breath. Love you rae o lay


Rae, you are a great person, it was just the stress getting to you, please don't beat yourself over it, you deserve better then that, take care. :hug:
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