I fuck up all too often. Say what you want, I suck. It's great that when my older sister (that I've just recently begun contacting regularly) calls and leaves very polite voicemails, I don't even have the decency to return her calls. Not only that, but she calls again, and I pikc up and swear at her. Why? I don't know. Did she do anything to me? No. She was being kind, lovely, perfectly civil. But you can always count on Rae to become the sudden bitch. I just can't stop thinking about thngs... I love her and I'm glad we're in contact and all, I need that part of me. But it's just not easy. So many things happened when we were younger. :cry: I wish she'd phone back and call me out for being the piece of shit I am. I am such a screw up! I hate the idea that I'm turning out like I've been raised, but I think I am. I screw up so much. I want to isolate myself. I probably will. No one deserves any of the shit I'm bound to put them through. No more! This is becoming ridiculous.