I have been managing for a bit but I think I have been mostly numb to everything. Not anymore. Things are becoming worse and I am back to where I was. I have been thinking about suicide for so long that you think it would get old or something. I never thought I would think about it again after my attempt. The thing is I know I don't want to die so I fight it for all I am worth. I still have hope that things might get better one day but I find it is a thought I keep having over and over and would rather falling asleep forever or something equally as passive. I am having a hard time saying exactly what I feel but I hope this at least gives a small picture of what is happening. My best friend doesn't understand and tries to encourage me to stop taking my pills and I don't want to be taking them in the first place so I have to try and listen to my doctor. My other close friend has her own problems and doesn't understand how to support me. I used to trust her but then everything exploded and I don't trust her as much any more. Another bad experience to live through. Sorry I'm rambling. I am not sure where I am going with this. I guess I am just hoping for some support for you guys. I hate feeling like this. Like a waste of life. I have been having flashbacks all day. I hope things don't get worse I don't think I could take it. I doesn't sound like there is much going on but there really is more then I can but in a post.