not again!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by stig, Sep 25, 2010.

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  1. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    well everyone. after a couple of weeks of feeling ok, my mood has slumped. feeling quite shit today. not good. I get a bit concerned ay times, due to the sheer amount of time i have been suffering from this affliction i have learnt a lot about coping strategies. I have also learnt a lot about ending my life. after 6 failed attempts i decided to find out what i was doing wrong and how i could succeed. i try to be good at everything i do, bit of ocd i guess. i'm a bit of a perfectionist. well anyway i found a method of ending my life, the ultimate way i guess. the way we all want to go. very very fast. absolutely no pain or suffering. Iironically i had all the equipment to make my exit from this life already!!! I still do have it. that is what is worrying me. A couple of beers too many, crap feeling, a spontaneous person=exit. no coming back from it. absoluely no chance of being saved. a definate one way ticket.
     
  2. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    Hi
    I dont quite no what to say but after you took the time to talk to me yesterday i thought i would try.
    You are such a nice person the world would lose out if you were to do this. You say you have learnt some coping stratagies. Are they not working for you at the moment? Do you know what has caused this slump in your feelings?
    If you want to talk im always willing to listen.
    Please keep fighting it.
    Take care :hug:
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and so sad you are feeling this way, but one positive thing, you were feeling poorly and decided to post and not hurt yourself...for this you can be proud...please feel free to PM me if I can help you though these rough spots...big hugs, J
     
  4. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    my coping strategies are stopping me from going any lower, at the moment. I have to work very hard at it tho. I will probably get myself out of this pit but am just struggling. what scares me is just how easy it is for me to end my life. Today I am missing my ex. I loved her dearly. I am worried about my dog. he is getting old and a little frail. I promised myself that i would not live without him. I really feel that my time on this planet is drawing to an end. I know i am capable of ending my life and i know that my choice of ending it is faultless. I hate the way that this illness can wreck me so quickly.
     
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Again, sorry to hear you are feeling so awful. Maybe finding something to do to spend your time will take your mind off of how you are feeling...sometimes we do not give ourselves the respite we need...hope the day turns around for you...and PM me if I can help...big hugs, J
     
  6. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    Its like talking to my mirror image. I was 13 when i made that promise to myself and my dog. Every day i see how age is taking her away from me. How she stuggles with the stairs, how she is stiff when she gets up from a sleep. Its terrafying.
    Maybe we need to learn to live for our pets memories? I dont know if i could do that but at least we could try.
    Have you been seeing a doctor?
     
  7. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    thanks guys, it helps to know that you are there. I need to focus on it and change my thought processes. I took myself off my meds years ago and am doing this by sheer will power. I found the 40mg of olanzapine was leaving me stable but permanently in a dozy state. I hated it. I stopped all meds. I only take 5htp now. and booze.
     
  8. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    I wanted to return the favour, you were there for me so i want to be there for you.
    If i can help in any way please ask
    I hope you feel better soon.
     
  9. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    thanks sunny. it is very nice of you. I will get through this. I have so far. I gave up seeong doctors and such years ago. the last 2 years i have fought this alone, no meds and no help. I am very strong at times but there a a few things that weaken me severely. Like a prat i let my guard down. I stopped concentrating on my mental health and it bit me. I know it's always there to bite me when i'm not paying attention. I should've known better. It is my own fault. It is because i don't use medication. it is a lot harder to cope. but it means that when i'm on top of it i am able to laugh and smile. laughter helps me to fight, it reminds me that i'm still alive and that i have a reason to be on the planet. it reminds me that life isn't all shit. It is what i am trying to explain to people on this forum. Life IS shit, but you need to stay alive to be able to enjoy it or make it fun, to laugh and smile.
     
  10. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    you aint going nowhere yet even though ive stopped drinking you offered in december so if i have to stay around so do you!!!!!
     
  11. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    thank you my friend. lol. i'm ok now. just had a little wobble. bad night. :sparkle:
     
  12. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    youve been very kind and helpful on here just be careful of triggers too many stories can bring you down without knowing it
     
  13. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    How are you feeling now Steve?
     
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