Not again...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by IDKs, Feb 8, 2012.

  1. IDKs

    IDKs New Member

    I swear after I beat the depression, pull myself up, dust the sadness off... it comes back quicker than before. I feel alone too. I swear there is no one to talk to anymore. I have such a bad complex of not wanting to come off as a "complainer" or have them think, "man shes never happy is she?"

    It just sucks. Fuck bipolar. Why won't the medicine cure it?! I don't have enough money to afford the "good stuff" and apparently not sick enough for the "help" the government could offer. All I want is happiness. I don't want the money, fame, nothing like that. Just to wake up without worry or not have to push myself to get going every day.

    I keep trying. Therapy, medicine, ect. I talk my feelings out. I seek help. Why can't I feel better? Why do I still stay up at night with such horrible thoughts? Why do I care? Why do other people go about there day without a care in the world and here I am crying, feeling miserable. Again.

    I should be used to it but I'm not. After I get over this, I will feel guilty for feeling these feelings. Probably for even posting this and letting it out. I love college but it just seems like these past two weeks, I don't even wanna go. I don't pay attention in class and I forget to do my homework constantly.

    People should know that Bipolar is not fake. That is does hurt. I hate when people act like it's nothing just because they don't feel it. Or see it. Man, if they could just feel what I feel, that would shut them up. I'm too young to feel this horrible. I just want to be happy so bad.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu are so right hun if they felt what you felt they would shut the hell up. The meds need to be tweaked again you need to talk to your doctor so your mood swings are not so close together and not so far up then down. I do hope you get that mixture that dose t hat helps. I also hope you get into you school councillor keep talking to them let them know what is happening so they can help you succeed okay and not lose your year If you have too get a note from you pdoc hugs