I swear after I beat the depression, pull myself up, dust the sadness off... it comes back quicker than before. I feel alone too. I swear there is no one to talk to anymore. I have such a bad complex of not wanting to come off as a "complainer" or have them think, "man shes never happy is she?" It just sucks. Fuck bipolar. Why won't the medicine cure it?! I don't have enough money to afford the "good stuff" and apparently not sick enough for the "help" the government could offer. All I want is happiness. I don't want the money, fame, nothing like that. Just to wake up without worry or not have to push myself to get going every day. I keep trying. Therapy, medicine, ect. I talk my feelings out. I seek help. Why can't I feel better? Why do I still stay up at night with such horrible thoughts? Why do I care? Why do other people go about there day without a care in the world and here I am crying, feeling miserable. Again. I should be used to it but I'm not. After I get over this, I will feel guilty for feeling these feelings. Probably for even posting this and letting it out. I love college but it just seems like these past two weeks, I don't even wanna go. I don't pay attention in class and I forget to do my homework constantly. People should know that Bipolar is not fake. That is does hurt. I hate when people act like it's nothing just because they don't feel it. Or see it. Man, if they could just feel what I feel, that would shut them up. I'm too young to feel this horrible. I just want to be happy so bad.