Not an Emo..but someone with Manic Depression..

[Punkguru]

I can't stop thinking about suicide..
It's like becoming an everyday thing with me.
I seem to have no social life and friends and I try to get people together to hang out but it seems to me that they make excuses every time.
And when we do hang out they seem annoyed with me anyway.
My Girlfriend seems to get sick of me.
And she really doesn't call me as much at all and doesn't even tell me what she's dong..she seems to have a lot more fun with her friends than she does with me anyway.
And its not like I bring her down a lot with my depression..we do have our good times and we laugh together.
But I still feel left out with her just like I do with the world.
I have been unemployed for months..mostly because i live in a terrible area for jobs..but its not getting any easier for me.

I tried killing myself a few weeks ago..it didnt happen because the one spot I chose wouldn't have worked..
And if I were to die..it would be in a spot where no one would find me..i would rather die alone and hide my shame..
As Emo as it sounds..what i am saying is what i am feeling right now..so before anyone goes off and thinks or says that..think again..

People either tell me that things are "going to get better" or "don't want to hear" me because its "dramatic". Well i personally don't want to hear either of those statements..I would rather have better advice or something..I feel like I have no one else to talk to and no one that will listen..i am the type that rambles (its one of my quirks..i have to be open about it), and when i get on the subject of something pissing me off or something that depresses me..I can't stop..

I just want good solid advice...

 

[Why Am I Here]

Welcome to the forums! I would first like to state that there are no labels such as "emo" here.

We're all the same here. Just like you, we too have problems with our lives and would like to end it.

Unfortunately we can't solve all you're problems in one post as we don't exactly know you that well or your situation. Continue to post about your life and the people in it! Maybe stop by the chat room and have a decent conversation with another member

The people on this forum are full of positive up-beat personalities. Give us a chance, we can help

We're glad you didn't succeed in killing yourself and I hope to see you around the forums! Drop me a PM sometime, I've been down/still riding down "shit creek" and everyone here is full of wisdom/helpful advice.

Talk to ya later! - Jon

 

[Stranger1]

Ditto to what Jon said..I agree once you open up more the more advice you willl get..Theres not been an answer to why we are like we are..But togethor we stand as one to fight this depression..

 

[cutiepie132]

Are you on any medications? If you are, did you have any suicidal thoughts before you started taking antidepressants or bipolar medications? The reason I am asking is because this happened to me, and I went to having daily suicidal thoughts myself, I overdosed on an anti-depressant, the stuff was worsening my depression, you just have to be careful with those medications and make sure that isn't what is happening to you. I'm very sorry your feeling so down. I don't get the support I need from anyone that I know, but I always find it here. If I am down, I do my best to hide it from anyone I know. You picked a great forum to come to, to talk about it. Everyone here, is just awesome.. I hope it helps you.

 

[Punkguru]

Thanks everyone.

I used to take a generic brand of zoloft a few years ago..but i stopped because it wasn't doing anything..I try to cope with my depression but it doesn't work..and I have been to a psychiatrist and though she was nice and all..she really didn't help me either..

I feel a bit better after recording a demo track of my new Punk/Funk project but still down none the less..

 

[cutiepie132]

It really takes awhile for therapy to work, like years, and you do need a therapist that knows what they are doing, one who's been at it awhile I think helps.

That has to be fun none the less to be recording a demo. How C@@L is that.

 

[Punkguru]

Its trial and error..and it sux....with both meds and a therapist..you don't know which will work or who will help you the most..

And it is cool..just the demo is being done by me alone..all the instruments and recording lol..

 

[cutiepie132]

Depression just sucks one no matter what..

If you have a copyright, upload a video on youtube and share it with us.. And if you ever become famous by it, I expect an autograph. lol..

 

[Punkguru]

Lol I'm more for the music then getting famous. I don't even listen to modern mainstream lol.
But I will put it up on youtube when i get a chance..its just going to be something different than what people usually listen too. lol

 

[peacelovingguy]

I feel a bit better after recording a demo track of my new Punk/Funk project but still down none the less..

Cool!

You got music! I was in a punk band aged 17 - back in the day! Might even record something myself in punk style - I do love to turn my electric guitar up full - and put it through 2 Boss Distortion pedals - hell - I'll buy a third - and forth and distort it until the audience disintegrates!

As for your woman - sure she has more fun with her mates - its a different 'fun' - girls like to be with mates socially - and maybe talk more than they do to us!

Accept it - let her enjoy herself - she loves you and has fun with you.

Hey mate - I'm like you also - I can be clueless with woman I love - actually keep a distance because who wants to drop the 'depression bomb' on someone?

Well - actually we should share it - does your girlfriend know how you feel? If not - get that sorted bro - tell her and if she does not want you - write a song entitled "Evil hearted woman!"

The chorus can be ..

"Arrrrgghghhhhhh!!!!!!" - lol

She sounds a good girl - your just insecure - so even if she told you 1000 times she loves you - well, maybe you'd be disinclined to believe her!

To be frank - if I had a band and the chance to record a CD - you got to put the music first - and if women object to that well - that's the first step in becoming less of a man. I mean - something we might accept need changing - but women who stand in the way of music - I've seen it happen - and you really don't want to end up with a woman who complains about you loving the guitar more than her.

Anyone comes back to my home - sees my love of music all over.

I would not care if 1000 dancing girls from the French Can Can Chorus came dancing into my living room scantily dressed - professing undying love.

I'm busy - I got this tune - maybe its a love song for you!

So make sure your woman doe snot get her head into some kinda place that dictates what your dreams may or may not be.

I know men - who could have been living breathing examples of musicians - backing me up! They sold their dream or exchanged it for a life which I now look at and cry for joy that I'm not a broken man whose dreams were sacrificed for a woman who thinks watching soap operas on a 50 inch inch screen is 'living the dream'

Stay creative - that helped me with depression more than every last affair, one night stand - and random acts of love here and there.

On the other hand - maybe sometimes you'd smash your guitars for the right woman?

I might smash one perhaps - I'll concede - but keep the other 6!

Good luck mate - ps I don't use meds either.

 

[Punkguru]

Lmao thanks man! I know what you're talking about when it comes to THOSE types of women..I had one myself a few years back..always complained that I played and talked about music and ALWAYS wanted me to ask her how her day was..very self centered and manipulative.

And I am insecure due to my past relationships of being cheated on and lied too..I don't know why people want to cheat..I never have..never will..its just wrong.

And I do love my girl..she likes me playing guitar and everything and we show eachother our music from time..Shes into some Ska Punk and good rap like Immortal technique..Me I am a Punk guy all the way. I love the Early punk (70's and 80's) and thats about it for me..

Ever heard of Television, The Cramps, and The Dead Kennedy's? I also like Well known groups like Talking Heads (biggest favorite!) Patti Smith and The Ramones!

But recently..I found my calling with Funk Guitar and I consider myself a Funk guitar player..its most likely because of my switch from Drums to guitar. Drums was my first instrument and I used to play some funk grooves on it. I treat the guitar like the drums..just minus the banging. lol

But Punk for the win! It helped me get through a lot of rough times in my life!