I don't know why i keep coming back here. I don't have anything to say really. Just feeling low. No one to talk to. wow, that made me feel worse spelling it out like that. everyone's sick of me. it's only natural. I haven't felt this bad in a while. guess i've been on some kind of high, not sure what, but it's fading. I started thinking about it again. I don't think I care all that much about how it will hurt my family anymore. Is that sad? I mean, i do care that it would hurt them, I just don't know if I have the energy to keep it up anymore. I know I probably just have the blues right now, hormones, insomnia, whiny sack of shit, etc.. I just don't understand why I have to think about killing myself everytime i hit a rough patch. It's stupid and immature. why can't I just deal with life the way normal people do. why can't I accept that this is just the way it is. That the dreams we have are just that. That I'll never be enough for anyone. that i'll never be enough for him. eh, just ranting. why do I feel so alone. why do I feel like i keep giving so much and not getting anything in return. I usually believe that we all get what we deserve in life. I used to try hard to accept that the way my life is is just what i deserve. Now i just feel betrayed. what did i do so wrong?? and of course, the moment i spell it out, all the memories of my wicked ways comes flooding back. I know i deserve to feel this way and be this way. i guess im just glad I have a choice to keep living it or not. I just wish it didn't always have to be a life or death decision.