not anything

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by noplacetogo, Jan 19, 2008.

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  1. noplacetogo

    noplacetogo Well-Known Member

    I don't know why i keep coming back here. I don't have anything to say really. Just feeling low. No one to talk to. wow, that made me feel worse spelling it out like that. everyone's sick of me. it's only natural. I haven't felt this bad in a while. guess i've been on some kind of high, not sure what, but it's fading. I started thinking about it again. I don't think I care all that much about how it will hurt my family anymore. Is that sad? I mean, i do care that it would hurt them, I just don't know if I have the energy to keep it up anymore. I know I probably just have the blues right now, hormones, insomnia, whiny sack of shit, etc.. I just don't understand why I have to think about killing myself everytime i hit a rough patch. It's stupid and immature. why can't I just deal with life the way normal people do. why can't I accept that this is just the way it is. That the dreams we have are just that. That I'll never be enough for anyone. that i'll never be enough for him. eh, just ranting. why do I feel so alone. why do I feel like i keep giving so much and not getting anything in return. I usually believe that we all get what we deserve in life. I used to try hard to accept that the way my life is is just what i deserve. Now i just feel betrayed. what did i do so wrong?? and of course, the moment i spell it out, all the memories of my wicked ways comes flooding back. I know i deserve to feel this way and be this way. i guess im just glad I have a choice to keep living it or not. I just wish it didn't always have to be a life or death decision.
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    When people are low and desperate I think they tend to see things in black and white (I know I do). It's a kind of all or nothing feeling that washes over one.
    Rather than seeing solutions it becomes a should I go or should I stay and its very difficult to be rational about the whole thing.

    There comes a point where you have to be kind to you and maybe be a bit selfish. Give yourself some love, forgive yourself for past mistakes and then decide what you want, how you want to be treated and don't accept less. :hug:
  3. noplacetogo

    noplacetogo Well-Known Member

    thanks Terry. I know I made it sound like i give a lot but in all honesty, I am selfish, because if i wasn't, i wouldn't feel like i wanted something back:S anyway, everything you said makes a lot of sense. I know everything I need to do to make my life livable, but for some god damned reason, I can't gather the drive to just do it. fear, i don't know. laziness, possibly. I'm just not really good at this. I just don't know how to be a normal functioning adult. i mean, at what point is it time to throw in the towel? do we just keep going and live off hope the rest of our lives?? shouldn't there be a point when it becomes ok to just give up? so many people live in misery. what's the point?
  4. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    There's always a point. But points are feeling based. If you don't feel good then the point seems pointless. Ever noticed that something is worth more when you feel good about things? Being sad makes life itself feel pointless and that in turn stops all your dreams and hopes from becoming an aim.
    Remember not to self destruct and make yourself lonely. You don't deserve to be lonely.
  5. sophie5121

    sophie5121 Well-Known Member

    hiya i wanna say i dont think your selfish for not caring about if its gonna hurt your family any more because i feel the same.. people also keep telling me its just your hormones and all that but its so annoying because non of my 'friends' feel sucidal or depressed the way i do. you said youll never be enough for him.. who do you mean?
    you also said about you know you should pull yourself together but don't have the drive to do it.. i no exactly how you feel by that i just cannot be bothered to do something about my life because i no its probly gonna go shit agen soon
    anyway stay strong and if you wanna talk pm me or i have msn.
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