when i was 14 i met a guy online who 28. i thought he was cute and funny and i wanted to lose my virginity. when it finally happened, it was okay. he wanted to still see me occasionally. so every month i would see him. but each time he would be increasingly more rough with me and i would tell him to stop but he would tell me that i was a slut and wanted it so he would keep going. he was so sweet otherwise but during sex he would do things and i kind of figured thats how sex was i guess. i guess the biggest emotional scar it left was when (this is kind of graphic) he would call me fat and make me throw up by repeatedly by forcing himself down my throat until i would just lay on the floor of the shower from exhaustion. i told him i didn't like that at all, but he told me that no man will want me until i lose weight. i still have physical issues because of how rough he was during anal sex and i don't know how long it will take me to fully heal from that. i don't know why i kept seeing him. i have no idea.... i kept seeing him until i was 18. what i hate most is that i fed his fantasies of being with an underage girl for so long. i feel like there is so much grey area, and i feel like it is equally my fault. like why i am i complaining when i continued to go see him for some reason? it's just hard to feel like i positive view of sex and my body because of the way this guy treated me, and i don't know that i can ever fall in love with a person and have a normal sexual relationship. sorry i'm not sure if this is the right place to vent about this, i just needed to kind of put this into words because this experience has just been hard grasp completely.