Not as "strong" as you were

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by AJ23, Aug 8, 2007.

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  1. AJ23

    AJ23 Member

    Has anyone had this problem: for whatever reason i stop self harming for a considerable amount of time like month or more, when the urges get too much and you do happen to have the blade against your skin, you don't have the courage as you did when you cut like 400 times in one weekend or at least 30 cuts a day, you find yourself thinking "hmm, is this dangerous?" where before you just went "bang" and you are at this point in time living proof that it isn't as dangerous as your nerves are making out, that your previous "cutting diet" was obviously livable but right now you can't even make a scratch, i think i put it the best once like this "it's like you bent the key to your chains, your trapped in the urges, and you have the key for the lock to release it all, but it doesn't work" does anyone else have this problem, even if they didn't stop cause they wanted too, which is most likely because you would have no other problem to continue later on, i mean if i stopped cause i wanted too, then i may not want to start again which would be my problem, but i don't have the problem, i really do want to be covered in blood, i want to feel shattered on the floor, because i know of no other way to let out my feelings, but instead i sit there filled up to the brim feeling so tight and stressed and whatever negative feeling you can come up with, but i can't for the life of my break that skin!

    so, does anyone else experience this after a period of no self harm, fear of the cuts and stuff, scared of the damadge, for example i'd staple my arm, this time i find myself thinking "well i can see the viens, and a staple is about half a cm deep, it's obviously gonna hit something maybe i shouldn't
    " where as in the past the thought wouldn't cross my mind and bam bam bam i'd have holes and cuts in my arm without a worry at all,

    can anyone relate?
     
  2. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    I can see where you are coming from, I'm trying hard now to stop myself self harming even though I still get the urges. When I want to self harm, I do want to do it, for the relief, blood, pain etc but then a part of my brain is telling me that's another scar to add to the numerous others I have already, and I hate the scars. I have enough on my legs as it is and I don't want anymore.

    Have you tried any other alternatives to cutting? Maybe punching a pillow, using an elastic band, writing down your thoughts. Or maybe going out for a walk, listening to music.

    Take care of yourself. :hug:
     
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