Not been good.

i havent been as active on here from recent events that have happened with people that made me believe they wanted to help me. when really it was only to hurt me..
things havent got much better at all infact im right back where i started from...
same thoughts and feelings just another day another week and another hour...
i generally dont think i can pretend im mary fricking sunshine anymore not to friends or anyone else infact... ive tried to hold it together but its fallen apart so fast...
im so lost. i know this is my hardest time of year what with my uncle and what he did to me and then to himself i hate christmas.. everyones always so happy.. i just want to cry..

i restart at my job and training to be a nurse the other day and i generally think i hate it more than ever.. i dont dislike the people i work with.. i just dont have it in me to support people that are ill and need care.. how do you care for someone else when you can barely look after yourself?

everytime im there i feel like the walls are slowely closing in.. and i cant breathe its like everyone is watching me and waiting for me to mess everything up.

i hate everything about myself im completly out of control...

 

Sorry to hear that your doing that badly. At the end of the day ignore the person who upset you, seems they have gone anyway so you dont have to worry about that anymore.

Hmmm well i would say that caring for other people would give you a sense of achievement and wellbeing that would boost your self worth because i know its selfish but they depend on you after a while and you can draw strength from that.

You shouldnt need to pretend to people that your happy 100% of the time, its impossible. If you dont talk about your problems they also tend to turn inwards and you take them out on yourself, i know, i was there for many years.

To be fair if people are watching you that must mean you have something about you that they havent. Let them watch you and if you fail, so what, just try again. I know its hard but if people expect you to fail prove them wrong, turn it around onto them. They are the ones with the expectations after all

 

Once your training is over there will be less people watching you and you can enjoy what you are doing more as there will be less stress. Helping others you can do this even if you are not able to help yourself . I find it so much easier to help others because i give them what i know is needed to help them heal things i cannot accept for myself You will be a great nurse because you will understand what it will take to bring healing not only physical pain but emotional pain as well You will be a nurse that treats a pt total needs You under stress right now because you are in training and being judged that all.
When your training is done you will see just how much helping others helps you too. take care okay Keep getting therapy for yourself okay and don't give up
You will make a great nurse.

 

maybe this Christmas will be a happy one for you. av always hated Christmas since i was young but i hope that's not permanent.

why does everyone think like this? its not true, people are minding their own business.

 

Take a deep breath and relax Aimee. You need to calm down. Take it one day at a time.

 

hey aimee i know its all out of control well
good luck in everything