Not been myself

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by xXWhateverItTakesXx, Aug 25, 2014.

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  1. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    I have slipped so far into depression I am not even fighting at all anymore. I have grown distant from everyone and suicide is all I think about. There have been some incidents recently which have put me in this deepest pit and I am never getting out alive. My anxiety is so bad, I am not sleeping or eating hardly and nothing on this earth can help me anymore. This is the single place i can say this. I have expressed my feelings to those around me in not so much detail and nothing...not a single word.

    Those around me, have failed me. I didn't have a choice in the events that have happened to me and I can't fight myself any longer. There is just one more person I have to say goodbye to and then I can free myself. I have been on this forum a long time and have seen many people come and go, I will just fade away and never cross anyones mind again.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, really sorry to hear you are struggling so much. There is a lot of help out there for anxiety, medications, therapy, hypnosis, different types of therapy. DO NOT give up, please. :( I think the people around you most likely do care but don't know how to help. If you feel you are in imminent danger please go to the emergency room, see the crisis team-they will understand :hug:
     
  3. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    I can't deal with going to hospital again. After I was there for 4 days last year, I am never going back. I still get anxiety from thinking about it. When a thought has been in your head for so long, it has to become a reality.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Okay..if you don't want to go to the hospital can you go to that one person you trust and stay safe until this passes? I know you may think it won't pass, but it might. Once you do it there is no going back. Please seek help somewhere if not the hospital. Your life is precious, don't take it away in the blink of an eye!
     
  5. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    I have nowhere or no one. One day people are here and then they are not.. Life is a game, and mine seems to be over.
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I agree life is a game, you must keep climbing to get to the top. You cannot choose what hand you get, you just have to play it the best way you can and take risks. But not risks to end it, because the point of playing a game is to win it. could you call or email the samaritans? They are so helpful, to talk out loud and they just listen, you get it all out. :)
     
  7. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Im pretty sick of going back to square one over and over. Mentally I can't carry this on. No amount of drugs or talking can change that. Not everyone wins.
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am sorry hun. I really wish there was some way I could help you, so if there is please let me know.
     
  9. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    I hate being so alone, the thoughts get louder in my head :( Tired of it all
     
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You aren't alone. You have us and we want you to fight because depression and anxiety is very treatable, maybe try something that you haven't tried before that wouldn't be as distressing as the hospital experience. :hug:
     
  11. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    There is nothing I can do in this moment. Nothing "good" at least. Im in a crisis and no one around me can help. Sat here and in the near future will have to make a choice.
     
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    All I can say is... I hope you make the right decision and choose to live. You don't deserve to die. You're clearly hurting intensely...I think it may be a good idea to go to sleep and see how you feel tomorrow, never make a decision when you're in distress.
     
  13. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    I can't sleep, my head is spinning...I want to go...just be nothing anymore. But I am supposed to care about how it will make other people feel..only a very few people would be sad, but I am hurting, so much...

    thank you for taking time to reply...im not worth the time...but i need someone in this moment...
     
  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I know what that hurt feels like I have been there at the very rock bottom, you are worth the time, remember no-one is above you but also no-one is under you! Big hugs :hug:
     
  15. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    thank you... everyone is asleep so i feel... vunerable but at the same time I could "go ahead". Perhaps my anxiety will take over...i just dont know where this night is gunna take me :( it sucks to have been forced into this pain, its not fair, ive done nothing to deserve it
     
  16. jell

    jell Well-Known Member

    Hey i have been there for the past 3 months and still struggling to come out of the deep pit. I wrote the letters , sent stuff to those i wanted to feel ok but can i say you aren't alone, i feel alone and believe it but realistically I'm not, i battle everyday i still struggle to find the light at the end of the tunnel and feel like I'm still walking on a very thin tightrope, but I've made it this far, my friends anniversary was last friday and its still crushing, my ex boyfriend still crushes me and that happened 2005. I'm not saying its selfish to commit suicide in a way its deemed that way but it is when you see no other way out. i think of what if the other side is worse than this.does it really solve anything, i don't mean to offend cause believe me i have been and still at times where you are, keep talking find yourself you aren't alone pm me if you want. i care for ppl i have seen far too many ppl loose there lives through there own hand and the devastation it leaves behind is awful, I'm not trying to be harsh pls don't think that i know you are in a very dark place right now, but there are things that CAN be done even if its through meds sending you some hope from me and hugs
     
  17. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    thank you. its nice to have other people around who understand and don't call me names and put me down. I am always fighting these demons and using every drop of my mental and physical strength to do so. tonight is a very low night, when it all crashes down on me and i can barely breathe...i want to fight for air but i also don't. i dont know at this moment which part of me will succeed. have i failed?
     
  18. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    There are many options to treat depression so before you give up try them ok it won't hurt to try something different Talk to your doctor ok New treatments for depression now hard to treat depression as well
     
  19. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Ugh got a few hours sleep then get a barrell of abuse from my "family". Well they will soon see what constant abuse does to a person. I am giving up
     
  20. jell

    jell Well-Known Member

    You are not giving up you are still writing pls pls try and hang in there pm me if you want ignore ignorant ppl they don't understand, they are probably scared but going about it in the totally wrong way. pls reply pm me or something i don't want you to go hold on to hope. I always wondered if somebody else could give me a glimpse of hope it would help but it didn't seem to come, find something you really like doing and attempt to do a little thing take baby steps at the moment don't expect miracles it feels never endless when you are in the pit but I'm trying and hoping that somebody can hold you and help you get out of it don't stop talking keep going sending some hope and kindness vibes your way, ok may seem like nothing but i do care i may not know you personally but i know what pain is like and it feels unbearable but pls hang on x:hug1:
     
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