I know.. I'm selfish ..A monster.. No one can help me.. Why do I bother.. I don't know.. Because maybe I wish I had someone I could cry in front of or actually hug.. and not feel awkward.. I feel nothing but an empty hole.. and my chest hurts.. badly.. I feel terribly alone, even though I know I have a good friend.. I feel like a darkness have enveloped my heart.. for the last 3 days.. and I want to end it.. While on the outside.. no one can see how terrible I really am.. No one irl knows.. I just can't find anything that helpful.. there is always apart of me wishing for death.. I fight it.. but right now it is strong.. The arguments it makes are fairly accurate.. And I am feeling there is little point right now..