Not being me;living like someone else...is killingme

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by life, Sep 18, 2007.

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  1. life

    life Well-Known Member

    I am not me...i am in my shell...i cant be my self...thats my disoder...its killing me everyday...Every piece of me is dieing everyime...can u imagine a life not being able to express ur self and feel awkward....thats what i am...i am fed up :(...god why did u create me like this....pleaseeee change me back to normal...please...please god...pleaseeeeeee...:(
     
  2. life

    life Well-Known Member

    Its very hard...My health is gone...i am always angry...and hatefull towards people...wanna shout and brake someones heart....i am depressed...scared...and planning to die..cant cope...please god forgive me....
     
  3. Shyfear

    Shyfear Well-Known Member

    Hey life,

    I dont understand, why do you think you are not yourself? Why cant you express yourself? Are you speaking of social contexts and pressure?

    Please talk to me, I'll listen. I love you.
     
  4. life

    life Well-Known Member

    I dont know what is this...i feel very empty;lonely and unwanted when i am in social places...I feel like people want me to leave;or they dont like me at all...for 1 year i am feeling like this....its changing i dont know getting complicated .....when i was 15 years old i had experiences that led me here.....people where talking about me and being mean to me....Didnt want me ....and its getting worseee....i feel very bad in social situations....i feel like people be with me cuz they are guilty ; they feel sorry to me :(....I just want to be with them;bbut i feel very pain ....i cant have friends cuz of this....emptiness ... lonelyness....not being accepted...even when i go to a restuarant on my own i think everyone is talking about me and i think they feel sorry for me;i think that they are talking to each-over :(....I feel so bad that i cry when i come home....I dont know if this is becouse of the things happen to me when i was 15....Suddenlt a big depression hit me....i didnt know what it was...i just felt apart from my friends....at school everyone was saying to me;;why are u miserable;are u happy? and all the teachers where talking about me...and i could even understand it.... JUST wanted to be alone until my depression finished...But it got worse;when i was around people....besides this i went to theraphy while i was feeling like this...and it affected me till now...3 yearsss passed....Besides this i have shyness aswell....social phobia...:(....Psychologist says that u have to face it...But its too hard....i am in pain when i face people;face the pain....I just feel that i am just going to cry nn-stop....please help me....i dont know whats this...i cant even explain it proply...:(...i dont wanna die :(
     
  5. life

    life Well-Known Member

    hey? ,.................................................................
     
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