Not coping at ALL right now. **possibly triggering

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by HarleyTwin, Feb 4, 2010.

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  1. HarleyTwin

    HarleyTwin Staff Alumni

    My fiancee died last week. So not only have I loved and lost, but I've lost the only person I've ever loved. Does it ever fucking end? Did I mention my 6-month-old nephew will die any day now too?

    I would really like to fucking know why this keeps happening. I soon will have to bury a fourth child in my family, and today, I have to bury my fiancee, who might I add would have been only 24 on Tuesday (Feb 2nd). My family couldn't give a rats ass and the only conversations me and my mother have had, have been arguments about money. She hasn't ONCE asked me what I'm feeling, how I'm coping, or shown any concern at all, except for when she heard the news before I did. It's all been "I need you to pay back the money this week, I'm broke". Well that's all well and good mom, but I'm kind of not caring about money right now? Take my whole fucking bank account!

    The funeral is today and I still don't know if I should go. I've just sobered up from another night of drinking myself into the bottle and I really don't think I can cope. When does it end? Why is it that when I finally find something, ANYTHING to keep me hanging on, God finds it so fucking amusing to take it all away from me? First my children, ultimately my nephew, and now Chris. It's not fucking FAIR.

    I don't know what to do anymore. I can't take this today. I don't want today to start, but the sun is already up. I don't want the day to end because it means another one without him. Please, someone help me.
  2. ghazi

    ghazi Well-Known Member

    I will help you. I will be your friend. I will be your guide. I will be your light through this desolation.

    You sound more angry than in despair right now; for good reason. I realize you are hurting. Right now, your anger is the only thing supporting you. You need to gain control of your inner self quickly, before your anger fades. It is ok to be upset, but with where you are right now, when your anger dies, you will have nothing left but the icy grip of despair...and that is even harder to escape. Find a friend- a close one - and stay with him or her for tonight, if possible. Just find someone you can be near that understands. Do not be alone tonight, if at all possible. If necessary, i will be your friend. I will help you.
  3. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    loss is hard to accept. let me help you.
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Just sending caring thoughts at this difficult time...big hugs, J
  5. contemplating

    contemplating Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Please listen to ghazi, you need to find someone who will genuinely listen to you.
  6. ghazi

    ghazi Well-Known Member

    keep talking to us! we will help you!
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