My fiancee died last week. So not only have I loved and lost, but I've lost the only person I've ever loved. Does it ever fucking end? Did I mention my 6-month-old nephew will die any day now too? I would really like to fucking know why this keeps happening. I soon will have to bury a fourth child in my family, and today, I have to bury my fiancee, who might I add would have been only 24 on Tuesday (Feb 2nd). My family couldn't give a rats ass and the only conversations me and my mother have had, have been arguments about money. She hasn't ONCE asked me what I'm feeling, how I'm coping, or shown any concern at all, except for when she heard the news before I did. It's all been "I need you to pay back the money this week, I'm broke". Well that's all well and good mom, but I'm kind of not caring about money right now? Take my whole fucking bank account! The funeral is today and I still don't know if I should go. I've just sobered up from another night of drinking myself into the bottle and I really don't think I can cope. When does it end? Why is it that when I finally find something, ANYTHING to keep me hanging on, God finds it so fucking amusing to take it all away from me? First my children, ultimately my nephew, and now Chris. It's not fucking FAIR. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't take this today. I don't want today to start, but the sun is already up. I don't want the day to end because it means another one without him. Please, someone help me.