Not coping well at all

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ace, Oct 25, 2009.

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  1. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I'm not coping well at all and why I'm still here I don't know,I'm forever trying but failing of course constantly in deep depression and in tear's in such shocking sadness.The stories I've read even online about people who have taken their lives stick in my head,I feel empty as hell so sad for them all,people I know so sad and guilty for them.Can't even look at a picture of some people even them coming into my head draws such sadness.I can't stop crying and wonder so much why I'm still here.

    I'm just a huge mess that's all,everything has gone from my life slowly slowly and I feel nothing is left at all.All I've ever done is made a fool of myself and just a huge joke.I've faced the fact I'll never improve,never get over thing's that have happened.I just would rather be dead than even breathing,just a massive failure that's all that word says everything.In the dictionary all the word's Loser,ugly,pathetic,joke,useless all have my ugly picture in there.

    I've been too stupid for to long,and it's clear you're dumb and that's it.Look around everone is good at something bar me,I'm just a huge piece of shit exactly what my dad has always said of me and made me feel.I hope when I'm gone he feels it more than anyone,life will go on people will move on from thing's I would have left because I couldn't stay if people can't see that then I can't do anything about that.People see what's on the outside,but on the inside there is huge disgrace I have to get one thing done and I know what it is that's all.

    I'm sick to death of everything useless bloody depression,Ocd is a joke,Bdd is just pathetic and anxiety who knows whatever this fucked up shit of a human being has.All I have is just pains thats all,who'd want to live being like this not me at least when I'm gone finally at peace I'll be finally.Well when things happen they do I guess,can't live with any of these things anymore the pain nothing at all I've lost everything is how I see it and know it:sad::sad::sad:.
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I get the sense that what you are feeling is the sting of your dad's words. His words have become the thoughts and feelings that are dragging you down. You don't have to believe him. I don't believe him. But for that matter, I don't believe my dad either, he has said cruel things to me too.

    Keep posting it here. Get it out in the light and examine this from a different perspective. We'll walk with you through this.

  3. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    It's everything he's a huge part of it and I'm so stupid for allowing so many people to use me down the year's which still hurt's alot.All my conditions are killing me and have killed me,from the outside it's ok to say you'll get better.But if I was to show you an insight about me and what it all does and how bad I am,I know people inside their minds will say he's so fucked up and why would you go on living like that for?.

    I know it's true the best thing for me is to be dead trust me,it's what i want and need to do and feel&know it's happening anyway.Nothing helps nothing ever does and I'm not going to be fooled into thinking it ever will.It's all over anyway,just waiting to go but wont say to anyone on here especially when and how that's for sure it's respect.
  4. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Hi Ace :)

    You made me happy when i was feeling extremely low. I know my opinion doesnt count for much, but to me you are not a loser. You offered you help and support when I needed it and you made me smile (which is a hard task at this present minute)!

    Please just talk to us Ace. You dont like to see people sad but if you go, it would make so many people sad including me.

  5. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    You have such a big heart Ace. :)
  6. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    :hug: You are the best hun. I wish I could help you the way you always help me.
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Ace, my dad always told me I wouldn't amount to anything and that I was a mistake..I beleived him for years and finally I just disappeared.. I was gone for six years with no contact with my family.. Thats when I found myself..It took another fifteen years for me to bury the hatchett with my dad.. Now we get along fine..Thats because he has mellowed out in the past several years..Don't let your dad drag you down..Look out for yourself.. Nothing says you have to talk to him..I hope you don't do anything rash..We here at the forum care and want you around for along time..
  8. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thankyou for your touching words,just not coping so well at all it's possible to be so high then band within seconds so low and suicidal.I don't know how I'm going to keep going to be honest,there is no motivation nothing really at all:sad:.To be honest what kind of perosn am I if I'm just so useless?it's so true I am,I don't blame people for seeing me as some twisted screwed up idiot.
  9. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I see you as a very compassionate, articulate, caring, intelligent, witty and sensitive person. You give so much, you deserve to live. Your dad was wrong. Period. wrong. Don't let him win.
  10. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Look at all the people you have touched Ace. You are not useless, you are such a good person and i know the world would be a lesser place if you wer not in it. Please talk to me if u need someone.
  11. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thankyou all for your nice comments but I've decided I'm leaving this world asap not going into more details,have just sent an email to my Dr about it also thankyou everyone I hope you all find the peace you deserve.
  12. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    You know you can't do that hun. :sad: Talk to me!
  13. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Talk to us Ace. Dont give up.
  14. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    yea cant go Ace. They found my car in pieces and ill need you to help me sort out the bad guys :)
  15. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    What can I do to help?I don't know how much longer I'll be here for because the pain is unbelievably so bad.
  16. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Ace, you mean alot to me, you are one of few people who sent me a private message, reached out to me and offered help. Your emotional support and letting me know the SOMEONE cares, saved me! I know over the next couple of days and possibly weeks and months, Im going to need support. Im being selfish asking you to stay to help me but I dont wanna see or hear of a hair on your head being hurt. There are only a handful of people that I truely feel close to on here, I get on with everyone but you know when you make a connection, anyway, you are one of those people. Can you hang in the and hopefully i can help you see the light at the end of the tunnel?
  17. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I can try but it's going to be so hard I'm hurting like hell and nothing is keeping me here anymore.It's too hard to stay I'm always in tears and so low and ask always whats the point?,I'm just too tired with everything really just over it to be honest.I'm not going to come on here and say I'm doing it out of respect just feel too tired with this life that's all:sad::sad::sad:.So sick of being a useless piece of shit no matter what anyone says that's what I am and always will be,I have to face it I've lost the fight there's nothing wrong with that too many people have been hurt anyway and it's not worth it it simply isn't:sad::sad::sad:.
  18. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member


    I care! I just want you to know that. If i can do ANYTHING just let me know. Message me anytime. I wanna help you Ace. :)
  19. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

  20. jeff2674

    jeff2674 Member

    Ace, you are letting your own self-worth being defined by your father. In your eyes, he laid the emotional track that you are following. No person, parent, child, spouse, friend, etc.. is ever worth investing your emotional self-worth into.

    When you do that and when things take a negative turn then you as a person suffers internally. So not only do you have to deal with your father mistreating you, you have yourself to deal with because emotionally you are self-destructing. This is why you feel like a 'piece of sht' as you call it.

    You can overcome this, and though your father is probably not a bad person he made some very, very bad decisions in his life. Have you confronted him about this? Have you made him face the consequences for his behavior? He didn't say those things to you because that's what you are, he said those things because good chance he was abused and brought up that way himself. He deals with bad situations in a very bad way, probably acting out of emotion which is never a good thing to do.

    That and a mix of immaturity on his part is probably the reason why he would say those awful things to you and YES they are still very, very wrong. I'm sure he's suffering himself and has probably done this to other people as well.

    Now what you can do is two things. First get the answers from your father and stand up for yourself. It's his responsiblity to make this right and it's your responsibility to put yourself on the correct track (emotionally). You have already started doing this by helping others on here and it really shows by how they are thanking you for your support and help. If it wasn't for you, these others would be suffering even more.

    So perhaps that is your purpose in life. To take the hurt, anger and depression and learn from it. Learn from it and help others. What you have gone through can help others alot more than some counselor that reads about this stuff from a text book. You also need to start gaining your self-confidence back, do this by setting short term goals for yourself and accomplishing them. This will pull you out of this rut and the hope and the love for yourself will come back.
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