Not coping well

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Brokenness, Jun 23, 2013.

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  1. Brokenness

    Brokenness Well-Known Member

    I have been taking my medicines and doing what I am told. Nothing is helping me tho, most "help" is so incredibly impersonal .... It seems hollow to me. I feel so undecided as to what I really want, to die, or to get better.... I just can't see how I can get better, I can't imagine it. Only thing keeping me from death is that I worry about the people I will hurt, but for me it would be peace at last. Starting second week of day admission to psyche tomorrow. So far they don't even want to listen to why I feel the way I do..... I don't understand that. They just throw more medicine at me. I wish I understood things more,I don't know what I need. I'm just lost. Meanwhile I continue to hurt myself more in various ways, mostly lack of care and self neglect, sometimes drinking, smoking, taking too many pills. It's like self abuse is some kind of addiction. I resolve not to do it, but find myself back into again anyway. What can I say to my psychiatrist to make him understand? It's so hard when he sees me, I clam up and can't talk much and avoid issues... Not on purpose but I get afraid or something.. Idk I can't explain myself. I have been slowly retreating more and more and keeping myself locked up in a part of my brain that refuses to be touched, like a line of a song I like, " crazy has places to hide in that are deeper than any good bye" .. It's like dying but the body is still around...
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You really need to try writing all this down for psychiatrist then. It is a little hard to say they will not listen to you and also say you do not tell them anything in the same paragraph without seeing that there needs to be more communication to get effective help....
    Try writing all down then you only need to respond instead of talk when you get there.... :hug:
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    So sorry things are so rough, but I truly understand keeping myself hidden, in a place where no one could reach me, or I thought...if you do not talk to your therapist then s/he cannot treat what is really upsetting you...and also, please tell him/her if your meds are not helpful; that might mean s/he has to change or alter the dose...wishing you better times
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I too understand the fear of talking hun of letting professioals know just how ill i am. In doing so though hun we leave ourselves not open to the help we need and deserve.
    Write down what you want to express to your doctor ok like said or print of what was said here hun and give it to pdoc Hugs to you
  5. Brokenness

    Brokenness Well-Known Member

    Thanks, will see how tomorrow goes. I wish I understood more of how they intend to treat me, so far it's mostly group session stuff.. And all things I know about already... Doesn't help me... My brain feels like a prison that no one has the key too! I want out! Too often suicide seems like only way. I'm trying to hang in there but I am afraid that there will be some tipping point that will push me over. I sure hope life events are kind to me for awhile, I can't handle anything troubling... More than what already dealing with. These depressing self destructive feelings are so painful.
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