went to work at the barn today, figured it would help with the stress and make me forget how much things are changing but if anything i felt worse at the barn. i didnt wanna talk to my friends there, i sat in my babes stall, just sat there and felt NOTHING. i have never felt nothing when im at the barn. people asked what was wrong but the only thing i could admit to was i was upset that my cousin (twice removed) died, i was close to him as a child but havent seen him for many years, i knew that wasnt the reason i was so upset. i have problems/worries stacking up...the owner of the barn has melanoma, my friend's parents are getting a divorce and i worry for the kids as they are getting dragged into the middle of everything, my grandfather's brother is in a nursing home (has Alzheimer's) my grandfather goes up every week to see him i kno its really bothering him, even tho my grandparents are in pretty good health for their age i kno my grandpa is worried he will end up like his brother and to see him place his head in his hands and just sit or see him stare out a window it breaks my heart, i am not dealing with my issues at all now. before it was just hard for me to bring it up and talk about it, now i wont talk about how i feel at all. i dont feel like its worth listening to. i kno what i have become and no one needs to care how i end up. most of the time its even too difficult for me to cry or smile or even act like i am ok. pretty much not worth even trying anymore.