not depressed, but just never ever wanted to live ?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jumplink, May 4, 2014.

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  1. jumplink

    jumplink New Member

    Hello !

    i'm new here and basically the topic says everything already.
    i just came here to ask one question, if anyone felt the same way.
    suicidal, but not depressed. not wanting to live, but not sad, miserable, or not wanting to change anything to your life? does anyone feel like this?
    i probably am not going to write some sort of history of my life;
    but to tell in short.. i just, since very young age(around 6), felt like i dont want to live at all. and nothing changed that idea and feeling, and now im 24.
    sure there were hardships to go through, sad moments, some happy ones, but i just frankly don't want to live and never ever wanted to.
    i probably have a lot what is needed to be happy(to be happy in what conventionalism refers to being happy), and i even have abilities to achieve something more than i ever had, but i have no dreams, no desires, no lust for life, no things to strive for(no desire to), just absolutely no desire to live and i never had ? Yet i'm not clinically depressed, somewhere in the corner hating everything and everyone, feeling hopeless or something like that. i'm just a passive person that has no wish to live, but not in a crucial way to go and do something very drastic.
    but if someone asks me if im happy, i wouldn't know what to say. emotionally it's just a blank, empty space. not happy, not sad. there is just complete emptiness, in my entire life, it has always been so. some people call me "goal less", because i don't have any goal. i sort of got used to the idea of going to sleep and not wanting to wake up. but i still walk around like a ghost, around living beings.

    so i'm just sitting here.. with jobs and whatever, or days off, and thinking that if there was euthanasia for people with no desire to live, i would be the first one in line happily to get one :) but since we don't have that.. i'm sitting and wondering. is suicide and depression connected ? does anyone feel the same way. do you have to be depressed in order to commit suicide. maybe some people are just born to "die on their own" ? are there more people like me ?
     
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. I have felt like that on several occasions but you do not have to be depressed to feel like that. People suffer in many different ways. Suicide thoughts don't have to come from a state of depression. All I say to you please speak to someone whether a person or a support line. Do not think you are on your own, everyone suffers in one way or another. You have come to a good place where people will help you. Please take care.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    We all have our different levels of thoughts of emotions talking to someone can help you unravel why it is you thing and feel the way you do Have you ever tried to talk to a therapist It does help sometime
     
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