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Not depressed, but logically see no reason to continue with life

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by legin, Apr 6, 2008.

  1. legin

    legin Guest

    I'm 29. Never had a decent job even though I have a university degree. I moved from the US to England about three years ago to escape massive debt from a fraudulent law school. Since arriving in England, I've had an extremely difficult time finding work. Occassionally, I'll find some temporary data entry jobs that last for a week or two, but usually I don't work. I have six pounds in the bank.

    I live like an animal in a horrible, crowded, dilapidated house with total strangers. It's all I can afford. The walls are covered with mold and I'm always sick (from the mold). My housemates all hate me because I don't talk to them. I just really hate having to share a house and prefer keeping to myself.

    I havent spoken to my sisters in 5 years, my neice in three years, and my mother in about six months. Those are the only family I have. I dont plan on ever talking to them again. They didnt do anything outrageous, but I just don't want to talk to them any more.

    I never had a girlfriend until I was 27 and moved to London. People I've met off the internet usually. Theyve all been terrible. Went out once or twice at best. I'm currently going out with a girl I met from a job I had (and was quickly fired from) and we've been dating for about four months. She's a pretty lousy girlfriend, though. Very distant. She just goes out with me because shes desperate. I've never had sex with her, of course. Or with anyone.

    I've gone to literally hundreds of job interviews since coming to London. 95% of the places outright tell me "you're too quiet and won't fit in". These are usually for menial data entry jobs that I shouldn't even be doing anyway. I have a degree. I should be doing something better. But when I apply to better jobs, they don't even call me for an interview.

    I just don't see ever getting a rewarding job or being in a healthy relationship. I have mental health issues, of course, which is why I'm so withdrawn but it's nothing that can be treated. I try to be as outgoing as possible, but it's obviously not good enough. Not even close.

    The lack of a job, lack of relationships, massive debt, and no hope that things will ever improve makes me quite worried that suicide is the logical choice for me.
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    the job, relationship, communication and debt issues can all be fixed, with time and support.

    that you say you are without hope tells me that you are suffering from depression, because one of the symptoms of depression is hopelessness, a belief that no matter what things will not improve. i need to tell you that depression can be treated and that hope will return to you. and as you gain strength, you can tackle these other issues in turn. depression is sneaky, we start to believe all the lies it tells us - we are without worth, we are a loser, we have screwed up - but these are all symptoms not some essential truth.

    would you be open to getting some treatment for depression? different things work for different people but a good start is a visit to your doctor, a health clinic, or if you don't have either call the mental health services of your local hospital directly. they can assess you (not as scary as it sounds) and refer you to the right services.

  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Have you ever tried any type of support groups? The great thing about them is that you are in a group of people that understand how you are feeling and what you are going through. It really helps you to understand you own situation better. And you usually make a few new friends, ones that you dont have to be anybody but yourself with. It may be one of the steps you need to take to get past the place you're at right now. Just a suggestion, hope things start to turn around for you soon. Good luck!
  4. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    Sounds very much like the same road I am headed down
  5. legin

    legin Guest

    Yeah, thanks for the advice and comment. I wont be getting any treatment or support group thing, but that is the only thing that could have been said.