Not depressed, but still suicidal.

I am not feeling depressed, but I still see my death as a must. I've never had a purpose. I am incurable, lazy, and broken. Nothing has worked for years, and I cannot bring myself to try anymore. I'm just at the end of the line. I'm literally living to appease other people when I know that they are better off without me.

Why are they better off without me? Because I am lazy. Because I am stupid. But most of all because I am evil.

I just thought for two hours how to become rich. Then I thought to use that money to buy an island, and then clone whoever I want as a mate. Given that I may be smart enough to perfect untested human clones (doubtful since I am stupid). Since, I cannot raise the clone as a daughter. I would have to hire actors to play her parents. She would not know of the outside world, or have any choices of her own. The whole thought of it is disgusting. Pretending to love someone, lying to them, constricting them, and using them as a belonging instead of a person.

Evil people like me don't deserve to exist. There is no point for me to live. Dying is the best thing to do for the world, my family, my friends, and myself.

 

hey darksider

to me you sound pretty lonely. you seem to think that you can't get a partner so you have to get rich, buy an island, make a clone, then get parents for that clone. why aren't you able to get someone(that probly sounds stupid but I don't no how else to word it :mellow?

I too feel that I'm incurable. The only reason I haven't tried to kill myself is because my methods are pretty shit(i doubt walking infront of a truck would kill me). i have to wait a year or two till I can do my 'main plan'.

how old are you(i cant remember)? if anything in the world could make you happy, what would it be?

 

What we think and what we do are very different...Evil people act on their thoughts, and all of us having thoughts we are not proud of...maybe it is time to discuss how you are feeling with someone and see if there is something that can be done...sounds like you are not lazy, but instead in a lot of pain...that is very different! Please continue to post and let us know how you are doing...many of us will understand...big hugs, J

 

Hi darksider,

Even though you're not depressed, it sounds uncomfortable to feel like your death is a must. Out of curiosity, do you think all people who are lazy and stupid deserve to die? I understand that a lot of people think those who are evil deserve to die, but i don't think that. Besides, you don't sound evil to me, you just sound like youre in pain and dreaming of an easier solution. Another question- if people would be so much better off without you, why havent they left you? Just trying to understand here... hope you decide to hang on.

here if you want to talk further!
Megan

 

It sounds like you are depressed to me with irrational thoughts.. I suffer from both and am just going by the info you have given.. Alot of people don't realise they are depressed.. I don't think your evil.. It sounds like you are lonely so you start thinking irrationally..