Up until mid 2013, I had a "Responsible rewarding County security job", and a beautiful hard working wife. Although in my eyes she will always be amazing, beautiful, and the most loyal woman, a man could ever dream of having!! And my children will always be the "apple of my eye" and amazing achievers... By this point I was off "front line" working, and chained to an office desk, due to chronic back pain and hip pain, despite extensive surgery. Eventually, after it was clear the surgery hadn't worked, I was retired and had to move to a smaller house, (Not that I had a big house!!) And it doesn't escape me that some people live in cramped enviroments, and some even worse, by being homeless.... Yes I got a very small work pension, and my wife, (bless her) wanted to keep working part time. Although I'm not stupid, this was to keep her sanity away from me.... After dealing with my perpetual rebounding depression. (Despite hoping I'd beat it...) Since retiring, I've been plagued by severe migrainious vertigo for the last years or so. Constant dizztness and sickness really gets you down...The answer - Yet even more tablets.... Which = being under the influence of even more drugs... Don't get me wrong, sometimes, with alcohol, it equates to peace. Even if for just a short time... I've since learnt that my knee pain is due to my cartilage being worn out, and needing more invasive treatment.... I sometimes wonder what I've done to deserved so much shit... The pain is constant, it's only the severity that alters, yet it's always enough to bring you to tears. And I wouldn't describe myself as a so called "whimp"... I'm just sick of living really.... The old saying about "the cards you've been dealt" doesn't really work for me. It's more a case of luck, and family genes. Well mine seen crap... <mod edit - guidelines>.. Really!! It's more a case of me personally having had YEARS of trying everything else.... I have to add, that my children are too young to put them through such an ordeal. So it would not be for a few years yet.