If this needs to be moved go ahead. Not that I know where else it would go. I don't want to go today. I don't want to go and see people crying. I don't want to see her body lying there lifeless. I don't want to see Dylan anymore wrecked then he already is. I don't want to have to explain to Dylan anymore that she won't be back. I just want to stay in my room and not move. I just want to fade away for awhile so I don't have to cope. I'm not doing okay if you were wondering. I'm not holding up. I'm trying my hardest for Dylan but I'm not doing well. He will wreck me tonight. When the tears start from Dylan I will be destroyed. I don't want him to hurt. I don't want his heart to break anymore. It's not right and it's not fair. Why does he have to go through this? If you heard some of the stuff come from his mouth you'd be shocked. "I want to die and bring Laura back"- that's one. "They can still fix her and bring her back"- another where I had to say she's gone. Forever. That one he balled and broke down because I had to tell him she's really gone. Another one that I kinda knew rang true was this "Edie is probably happy" Edie is my dad's girlfriend. 45 years old and acts like a 19 year old should. I swear Edie and Laura switched roles. Edie became the caddy, nasty one. Edie shoved her and called her a bitch. Told her she wasn't welcome. Now Edie is filled with guilt and consumed with regret b/c she acted like a twat. Kids hear everything. Kids aren't stupid. So now Dylan thinks that Edie is happy Laura is gone b/c all Edie used to say is she needs to go. Well, is she happy now? Went to dinner last night with Dylan. Had to get his mind off shit. We were driving through a parking lot and a damn car almost side swiped us on his side. I went ballistic. Flipped out. Lost it. Poor Dylan had ot make sure I was okay and wht did I say only to apologize after was "If that motherfucker hit your side Dylan Id be arrested for beating the driver to death" Now I'm overly cautious in driving. If you're seatbelt isn't on I flip out. If you aren't sitting right I flip out. It's over the top and I can't control it. Sorry this is so long.