I was looking for someone close by to meet up and socialise with i really wish i had a friend who truly understands depresson and suicide. I kinda have friends with the people i've gotten to know at the prince's trust programme i'm on but i don't socialise outside of that. As soon as i get home i'm just lock myself away in my room. I get along with these people but i just really wish i had a connection with someone i just always feel so alone. I ran out of meds because the woman who monitors my meds hasn't bothered sorting out the new perscription of higher dosage. so used my old perscription but haven't bothered taking them. I also don't drink but have recently started trying it to make myself feel better I drank a whole bottle of vodka last saturday alone in my room because it was my 20th birthday. how sad is that drinking alone in my room on my birthday. Anyway it tasted disgusting and at first i felt a little better but then i couldn't keep my head up, was falling all over the place, threw up 5 times and then passed out. I just feel worse all the time and just don't know what to do anymore, why do we all have this unwelcome dire need of self preservation it just delays the inevitable and prolongs the agony that is this unreturnable gift we call life.