Not doing well

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by raincloud, Dec 23, 2009.

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  1. raincloud

    raincloud Well-Known Member

    So, my life is just becoming a nightmare. I had a complete breakdown several months ago and stopped working. I'd tried to find a job for six years and I only got hired for really awful low-wage jobs that don't suit my skill set. I have a lot of health problems and therefore a lot of bills. I so rarely had health insurance that I often couldn't get my medications or see my doctor and I would have to go without. I would get sicker and sicker and then I would get anxious and depressed and I would eventually freak out and leave my low-wage job. I think my last breakdown started once I evaluated my budget and I realized that on my income I was just getting several hundred dollars deeper in the hole each month, and that doesn't even include my student loans (I somehow finished grad school). I can't even afford bankruptcy and my rent kept getting hiked up and I couldn't find anywhere cheaper and then eventually was forced to vacate because I couldn't pay. A few months ago two friends died in a short period, I was assaulted while having my car repossessed, and I had to live a month without electricity (again, because of a lack of money). Please, before you assume that this is a money management problem, understand that I have had my budget analyzed by accountants and debt consolidation agencies (hell, my best friend is also an accountant) and I'm not spending money frivolously. I have no assets. I hardly buy anything except groceries (with food stamps) and if I buy anything non-consumable, I generally buy second-hand. I did buy a used car from a dealership a few years ago when my income was at its highest and I could afford it (not an expensive car, but I didn't make as big a down payment as I should have). Shortly after I bought the car, I had to have major surgery for a life-threatening condition and then I lost my job. Then (over time) my rent increased 27% while my income decreased 29%. Then I (stupidly?) went to grad school in hopes of improving my marketability, but it didn't work (at least not before I had a complete breakdown).

    I am currently staying with a friend and it's pretty much awful. I have a cat that I've had 14 years and I don't want to lose her, but my friend treats me and my cat like crap. She locks my cat in her basement with no heat and then gets mad and starts fights with me when my cat meows at the door. And she has a cat, so it's not like she's allergic or anything. I sleep on a cheap air mattress in my friend's freezing basement just to keep the cat quiet.

    I am late on paying several accounts, and companies are threatening to sue me. No one knows where I am but I'm applying for disability so I had to let the SSA know my mailing address. With the help of another friend, I'm moving abroad to stay with relatives I barely know, but it's all so stressful and I cry every day as I realize that my life is just OVER. I know that I have no wages they can garnish, but even with SSI I won't make enough to pay for a place to live, and if I ever want to work again, I'll have to make some CRAZY salary much higher than I've ever made just to have a little money after I'm sued by all these people.

    I was approved for state benefits, so I bring in $339 a month because a doctor working for the state deemed me "unemployable."

    I came from a very abusive family and I'd never go to them for help. They are wealthy but they would make everything so much worse than it is and I would prefer to just die than even let them have an inkling of what's going on. I would give anything to turn off the part of my brain that cares about what they think.

    I really want to work, but every time I think about applying for jobs I go into a straight panic. I just can't do it anymore. I tear up just reading a job listing. I have actually gone through this a handful of times before, but something always worked out. This time, nothing did. Six years of looking completely broke me. (Again, please don't assume that I don't interview well or that I'm showing up to job interviews dressed inappropriately. I have read books, met with interview coaches and I'm told more often than not that I interview well but they found someone with more experience). I don't want job interview tips or job listings, I just want someone to listen because I just feel awful. I have no privacy and no respect in my living situation and I don't want to leave this air mattress ever again.
     
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    So many of us are facing this kind of thing. I let my debts go, that is 2 credit card payments, student loans, and medical bills. All I pay is rent, utilities, water, garbage, car insurance, phone, cell phone, and cable, all on $970 a month. After these are paid there is just enough money for gasoline. I'm grateful we get food stamps and medi-cal (I also have VA coverage for myself). I quit smoking so we can get by on what we get. We are a family of three. I have SSDI because I worked most of my life and I hope I don't lose this income. I know I cannot work again.

    Right now my student loans are in deferment. I'm told that if I'm still deemed disabled in another year, I can have that loan forgiven.

    The rest I don't feel guilty about. Our nation is a mess today because the rich were too greedy. The size of corporate bonuses clearly show that. Why in the hell would someone get a $20 million bonus is beyond me. I'm pissed that we the people have been economically raped so others can be rich. It's an atrocity, to say it mildly.

    As far as the cold basement is concerned, get a small tent to set up down there. Then line the bottom with extra sleeping bags and get an electric blanket. You and kitty can get cozy under the blankets with the tent door zipped up. It's a quick, cheapest, halfway decent solution to a serious matter.

    Post here all you need to. We all keep each other going.

    :hug:
     
  3. raincloud

    raincloud Well-Known Member

    How did you let your debts go? Are they threatening to sue you? I think it's hilarious that Bank of America (one of the worst offenders) is threatening to sue me over about $3000. Less than that, actually.
     
  4. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    They threaten me with everything. I know people who have worked all their lives and now that their retirement has gone out the window with the crash of the stock market, they are walking away. Some go to file bankruptcy and lawyers are telling them to save their money and walk away.

    There is an old poor persons saying: You can't squeeze blood out of a turnip. :)

    P.S. You don't have to answer their calls or letters.
     
  5. raincloud

    raincloud Well-Known Member

    I'm going to change my phone number in a month or so. I don't know what to do about my student loans. I guess I'll just be on forbearance forever, and if I get disability, I guess I'll try to get them waived. Even if I had a job, if it paid like my last few jobs, I'd never make enough money to pay it back. I actually thought that getting a master's would pave the way to a good job. Ugh.
     
  6. Sparky55313

    Sparky55313 Well-Known Member

    I was also deemed unemployable a year ago. I had a very good paying tradesman job. I had a breakdown, lost my job and filed bankruptcy. Because I suffer a mental illness I was given public housing. I also get a monthly grant of $200 which pay the rest of the bills.
    The fees for bankruptcy where included in the costs and I don't need to pay back because I am on financial assistance.
    I found out all this info on my own. I then told my county case worker about what I had found. I "fired" the first two because they did not act on my behalf. This third one is doing a great job for me but I keep close tabs on him and his progress on my behalf.
    In this country, if you have a mental illness, you qualify for public housing. Its a federal law. The only requirments are you are deemned unemployable and have a current application for SSI benefits. As long as you appeal the denials, you qualify.
    Hope this helps
     
  7. raincloud

    raincloud Well-Known Member

    Oh, thank you, Kem, I did not know about the public housing. I gave up because I read that they were not giving out any more Section 8 vouchers indefinitely (in my state). But I think I could still find something where they only take 30% of the $339 I have in income each month. I also did not know it was possible to get bankruptcy fees waived. No one I've talked to has been very helpful and I just feel my life is ruined.
     
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