I'm not strong enough to keep going, I got noone to keep going for anyway. I had a chance to not be single anymore and I fudged it through not thinking I was good enough, Now she thinks I was jerking her around and won't talk to me again. I mean I was just nervous that all...well she can't be that understanding then. I'm so bored at the moment as well. Nothing at all to do and it's too hot to go outside. My depression seems to of taken on new life as well. More things to be sad about. :sad: I want to die, but I don't want my family to feel sad over my death. Also the people who purposely hurt me, why should they lead great lives. It's not that I can't be happy for other people its just that since things have been so unfairly unbearably hard on me why shouldn't they be hard for someone else.....I like being happy for others though. I just want to be able to be happy for me once.