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not entirely sure...

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I am nearly 20 and have had several problems in life. The main problem being I create them all. It's as if I can't allow myself to be happy or care free.

I have noticed myself being unable to change for the better and it's driving me insane. At the moment I am currently failing university and not going because I'm scared. I don't want to be doing such and I know fine well I am capable. I have developed alcoholism and other threatening addictions when I am perfectly aware of it. I dislike all my personalities, my appearance and looks, though I know I am found attractive by many. I'm and incessantly nostalgic towards hobbies/ friends etc which I could easily get back. I have somehow made the solution to all my problems a girl who I know I can never have (blatantly knowing if the impossible happened I still wouldn't change). And of course the legions of trivial nonsense I create/ exaggurate to feel bad about is endless.

My problems are all created by me and it causing me to spend most of my time alone feeling like hell. This leads to feeling guilty about being sad as I am aware that they aren't real problems. Everything then escalates in a horrible cycle leading me to google this forum for help.
Am I addicted to pity? Am I addicted to sadness? Do I need to be depressed? Do I just hate myself?
... or I am I just a loser that neads to get a life?

This is a dead-end life-style which has caused me to loose people dear to me and I want nothing more than to change.

I suppose I'm posting to ask if this is at all common as well as looking for help.

p.s please excuse the spelling/grammer I never could do language at school.



Staff Alumni
Firstly, I think it is rather brave to ask the questions you are asking...it means you want to start finding answers...and yes, many of the things you think about are more common than you imagine...maybe there is a counseling center at your uni for you to talk to someone about how to organize your wants and to move foward...we were not meant to live this life alone, and it is courageous to take an earnest look at ourselves...big hugs
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