Not exactly self harm, but...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by KaRue, Jan 7, 2015.

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  1. KaRue

    KaRue Member

    I used to slice my body with anything I could find: Scissors, knives, fingernails, backs of cell phones, you name it, I've already thought of it. I stopped doing this my Freshman year of high school, and have since only done it a couple times over the past few years, the last time being about 6 months ago.

    Lately, though, my mom and I have been getting into fights in which she calls me useless, a mistake, and a worthless liar. To cope with this, I've been punishing myself by throwing away things that are important to me, and writing everything I think true about myself all over my skin with a black or blue Sharpie. These instances have become more and more frequent, and I have begun getting the hard to fight urge to cut again.

    I can't talk to my parents about this, my friends won't understand, and the guidance counselor of my school is good friends with my mother. Any advice?
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome to the forum. I had this exact problem today with family members calling me vile names, I even made a thread about it in the suicide forum section. Words hurt, a lot for me anyway and obviously a lot for you too. Honestly, the best thing to do is talk it over with someone who understands. We often get called lazy,fat,useless etc etc.. our illness makes it seem that way. But actually cutting yourself over it is really when you need to get help I believe. I have cut, but it has been a long while since. Does even writing your thoughts out here help you? I have some questions, is the guidance counselor at your school allowed to talk to your parents without your consent? Are there any other counsellors there, I know you said you are in your freshman year but I don't know how old that would make you as I'm not in the U.S.
  3. KaRue

    KaRue Member

    Thank you for replying so quickly.

    Writing my thoughts does help some, but I always feel as if I never get out what I really want to say, so I never post anything. Not sharing it makes me feel like I'm just bottling up my feelings, but I can't post it unless I feel everything has been explained perfectly.

    At my school, the guidance counselor is if they believe there is a danger to my health or well-being. I tried talking to one we had a couple of years ago, but she promptly told my mom, who got mad because she is a social worker and I guess she couldn't stand to be one, with a daughter who cuts.

    There is only one counselor at my school as I live in a rural area, and that's all our district can afford.

    Maybe my original post wasn't clear, but I stopped cutting my freshman year (Which would make 14/15 at the time) and am now a senior. Which makes me 18.
  4. Linny

    Linny Active Member

    Hey. I understand what you're doing. Not exactly, but I used to do the same thing. It never really goes away but it gets better, gets less self inflicted. I used to "slice up" as I called it with anything I could find, often scissors cause I couldn't stand razors or anything else. And I drew on myself all the time because the cold sent a chill and I knew there was a chance of ink poisoning so, yknow, F.I.S.H. Lately I've been better not to do it to myself but I don't catch myself if I hit something and I wont move something if it's at al angle that'll probably give me a bruise.

    I know this isn't really encouragement but then again, we're all just here to talk aren't we? Encouragement is nice but we can't exactly do anything so talking it out works. I'm just saying, I get what you're doing, I understand what you're saying, your friends and family might not, but I do because I'm there too. That's exceptional that you've been pretty clean for a while. Even I've only been about two months from slicing and I'm fading again. I'm Seventeen. Sometimes having someone physically there isn't the best because then you can see their frustration or disapproval. If you want a hug or someone to be there, make up a story, that's what I used to do. I would go up to my friends, openly teary eyed or something and instead of giving them the whole truth, I'd tell them I read something horrible online or I was so frustrated with someone. I'd give them the reason that pushed me to hurt myself but I wouldn't tell them I needed the hug because I'd hurt myself. I'd let them think they were what was helping my frustration, not helping me because I felt bad for doing what I do.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You are welcome hun. Oh you used to cut but have recovered in that aspect. Fair play to you, it is hard.
    Your mom being a social worker could make things either easier or harder in getting help. Her view may be exactly as you said she doesn't want to be a social worker with a daughter who cuts or she could be able to get you the proper help you need if you play it right and start off with the ''down'' and not depressed feelings, you can work your way up to saying how you really feel. I know it sucks, but I guess that's all you can do unless you can see one without your mom knowing although you did say you were in a rural area so that may be out.

    I wish you all the best with whatever happens!
  6. KaRue

    KaRue Member

    Thank you both for being so caring and understanding. I have never had an experience like this in my life and it has really refreshed my strength to know that there are people who really care. :)

    Thank you again.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You are so welcome, that is what we do here hun, we're a unique forum, we're very friendly and helpful, and keep it that way :) I found that to apply to my own situation today too, I was overwhelmed with the support I was given :)
  8. Linny

    Linny Active Member

    It's going to sound really cliche, but there's always someone who cares. Thankfully, those someones are right here and easy to find and talk to. We're always just a PM or post away. ANd if you don't get a response, it's called SPAM for a reason :friendly_wink: (jk don't do that you'll probably get in trouble XD)
  9. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Please do not anything but a suggestion I recommend is an elastic band. When you feel like cutting, then pull the elastic band to help you. The sting will remind you and stop you from self-harming. Please keep posting as it will help you in your current struggle.
  10. KaRue

    KaRue Member

    I will try that, thank you. :)
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