Tired of dealing with things I've had to deal with my entire life, and I'm tired. Things don't seem to be getting better, but worse, and I almost always wish I had just died when I attempted first and second time as a teenager, or been thrown out to die as an infant when my mother gave me away. I'm tired of dealing with things that I have no control over and no matter what I do, always comes back to haunt me, and it makes me feel worthless. I knew I had these unappealing traits ever since I was a teenager and that's why I tried to off myself while I was still very young. I knew things would not get better for me, I knew I had no promising future, I knew nothing good would happen for me no matter what. It was as if the cards had been put into place and I don't have any kind of luck to win or gain any advantage. It seems true to me that nature has selected me as one of the more appalling of the species, and that I am one that isn't supposed to multiply nor survive. Sure there are things I still want to do, but the odds of them happening and being accomplished are slim to none right now. There's no reason to think things will suddenly take a turn for the better in the future if nothing's changed in eleven years. What I need to do is quite clear and it's only a matter of access, time, and hope; and I'm starting to run out of hope.