I've cried twice this week, on wednesday and this morning. And when I say I cried I mean a lot, hours long. I hadn't cried for years before that. I thought I was starting to be "normal", the kind of guy you don't notice when you walk on the street, someone you can consider as a friend when you get acquainted with rather than always ending up avoiding, scorning or even hating, someone you can like, love, be happy with, feel good with. I didn't know I could ever be so wrong. So there I was in the train, crying, and wondering whether I should rather go laying on the railroad track. It would have brought me to some better place than home that's for sure, because in my case I don't see how I could ever see the end of the tunnel. When I first came here and expressed my feelings, I wasn't really about to kill myself. I was just being depressive and needed people to comfort me, and I know inside me that I would never have got round to doing it. But that was back then, now I know that I could do it anytime. Many things have changed since, more particularly in my mind and in other people's ones. I wish I could understand why things are this way, why does no one ever sees me how I really am. Maybe I'm not what I think I am after all. There is a saying that seems to stick to this "feeling", I don't really know whether I've read it somewhere or it comes right from my head, anyway it goes like this : "Don't ever let anyone tell you that you're wrong. Unless you are". But how could I believe in myself when no one believes in me. I don't know what to expect from what I've just written, I needed to say it but I just don't know why. I'm not looking for comfort or any kind of help really, because honestly this isn't going to help me at all. .