Im really not feeling it today my heads all over the place and i dont understand my feelings... i dont understand him.. and i certainly dont understand my friends. he confuses me.. one moment we're arguing... the next hes got his arms around my waist pulling me in for a cuddle.. its like a mind game.. because i know later on it will all kick off again.. but his touch still makes me skin tingle.. My friend has everything she wants in life shes a model, she has amazing parents an amazing boyfriend but its not enough for her? she can spend money on random crap.. has no responsblity at all.. yet she says shes unhappy? because she couldnt get something she wanted straight away... Oh please. she makes me angry. how about she is me for one day then maybe she'll see what its like to feel hurt and confusion every moment of every single day. Its always about her.. she never asks if im okay... its always about how bad her days been... she never asks about the bruises and the cuts that i cover up with long sleve tops and make-up.. she knows but its too much to ask her to get her head out of the clouds and see me. I have a sure rout of exit.. one i want to use right now.. maybe i should use it.. not pussying around the subject and just do it. maybe then ill be happy he'll be happy and she wont have to even worry. its not like anyone would really notice that much.... my biggest mistake was pulling through last time.. im still a bit dizzy from blood loss and head is constantly pounding. i just want my body to give up on me.. all it could take would be 5mins... because i really cant do this anymore. i thought i could but i cant. no-one tears. its time to go.