Not Feeling It

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Aimee_in_Wonderland, Oct 21, 2010.

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  1. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    Im really not feeling it today my heads all over the place and i dont understand my feelings... i dont understand him.. and i certainly dont understand my friends.

    he confuses me.. one moment we're arguing... the next hes got his arms around my waist pulling me in for a cuddle.. its like a mind game.. because i know later on it will all kick off again.. but his touch still makes me skin tingle..

    My friend has everything she wants in life shes a model, she has amazing parents an amazing boyfriend but its not enough for her? she can spend money on random crap.. has no responsblity at all.. yet she says shes unhappy? because she couldnt get something she wanted straight away... Oh please. she makes me angry. how about she is me for one day then maybe she'll see what its like to feel hurt and confusion every moment of every single day.
    Its always about her.. she never asks if im okay... its always about how bad her days been...
    she never asks about the bruises and the cuts that i cover up with long sleve tops and make-up.. she knows but its too much to ask her to get her head out of the clouds and see me.

    I have a sure rout of exit.. one i want to use right now.. maybe i should use it.. not pussying around the subject and just do it. maybe then ill be happy he'll be happy and she wont have to even worry. its not like anyone would really notice that much....

    my biggest mistake was pulling through last time..
    im still a bit dizzy from blood loss and head is constantly pounding.
    i just want my body to give up on me.. all it could take would be 5mins...

    because i really cant do this anymore.
    i thought i could but i cant.
    no-one tears.
    its time to go.
  2. Enigmatic Ed

    Enigmatic Ed Well-Known Member

    Girl, friends often dont want to understand your pain. Its hard to accept that people you know feel this way. PM me if you need to. Us guys are dicks even the best of us. we only want one thing but usually dont know what that thing is. mine changes by the minute. it will proper mess the people you know up if you do something unwise. there is so many pieces of crap in this world, we need to stay around just to balance the books a bit.
  3. Enigmatic Ed

    Enigmatic Ed Well-Known Member

    it was not a mistake to pull through. you second mind is always trying to get through to you but is often drowned out by the noise of panic and regret. it saved you last time let it again. I recon the survival instinct is there for a reason, and you defo deserve to survive. I would give the world for you to be happy, and hate life so much for putting this shit on to those who only deserve contentment. you are valuable more than you know. please plaese pm me if you wana talk. request it in pm and you got my number if you need to talk proper. please please hang in there, and I will make a bet with you that I can make you laugh at some point before your 80. cant guarantee I or anyone could ever make you happy afraid thats your job and it seems like a worthwhile job to have (would sure beat fixing coffee machines as I keep dropping the buggers). really hope we can chat soon. Take it easy Aimee.
  4. Enigmatic Ed

    Enigmatic Ed Well-Known Member

    Please post to let me know your ok. cant stop thinking about you, a bit lame I know, but please just post anything. thanks.
  5. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    hi aimee
    as i see it you are a very special person,and it is a mind game its a game of control,im guessing hes abusive to you ive seen this,and hurting yourself gives him a bit more control over you i hope you find your way through this or out of this.
    your friend is spoilt she was probably spoilt as a kid and its the same in life,its probably not her fault it was the way she was brought up,
    but ill be a friend if you want to chat and talk about whats going on in your life,
    it wasnt a mistake you pulled through it was a sign your times not right get up and kick some butt hon,and if you need someone to hold your balance were all here for you.
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    the way i see it, your friend is worse off than you. She is full of herself and to blind to see the world around her and the very special people that put up with her. she is never going to experience a real life. just the one she can afford. bet if she couldnt model anymore, which happens very quickly in her career, she would fall apart.

    your boyfriend is immature. he needs to find some help with anger management. he is playing a game. it makes him feel in complete control of your relationship. and he may be right. hun you need to stand up to him. show him that you deserve respect as well as love. the next time he st arts the crap, tell him you deserve better and that he better get his act together. you dont deserve what he's offering. you deserve better and its time he learns this.

    you survivered cuz you did. i know the pain and how it haunts you. but youve got lots of friends hun. let us suport you through this. i know you cant just shut off the feelings and thoughts. but they can be disstracted and that's beter than fighting it alone. keep posting :arms:
  7. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    i cant do this not anymore
  8. Enigmatic Ed

    Enigmatic Ed Well-Known Member

    course you can. seems like you just need to let it all out to someone. just a pm away. n im pretty fduking cool so bound to cheer you up. chin up girl you can do it. i have faith in you.
  9. HighsandLows

    HighsandLows Active Member

    Aimee I don't know you, but I understand and you're not alone x
  10. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    dont have faith in me, ill just disappoint you.
  11. Ronny

    Ronny Banned Member

    Well you can't go and you know why! .... because you and me could be good friends and if you left you would never know what you missed! hehe come on.... smile... for me? :)

    Why don't you surround yourself with people who do care about you? If your boyfriend and girlfriend are all about them and them only then why not start saying hello to some new people and find relationships where they do care about you.

    Here's a random hug!
  12. HighsandLows

    HighsandLows Active Member

    Aimee I've sent a friends request. I won't be offended if you don't accept.

    the man thing...the mind games...I understand that. If you ever want to talk...
  13. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    you make it sound so easy but its not.
  14. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    it's not easy hun. but it is worth it. we are friends, you and i. stay alive for me! fight this. i will fight this too.
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