Not feeling like suicide but life has become nera to the point..

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by GodlessCombo, May 18, 2014.

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  1. GodlessCombo

    GodlessCombo New Member

    Hello, my situation in my life has become very.. empty and I feel lonely, hurt, scared, and I know its my fault which makes it even worse..
    I was recently arrested because of a stupid overreaction I had to a situation that should have never happened, my roommate and I got into an argument over the fact they were moving out very shortly and I had felt very abandoned by it, I had become angry after explaining that I literally had no place to go, within my last year I lost my mother to cancer, at that time no one talked to me for awhile.. except my roommate, who cared immensely about how I was and helped me through it but all my other friends didn't do a thing or even talk to me, so, I got into a drug problem I had (and still do) a lot harder than I had been going at it before.. a lot harder, then when my friends months later decided to speak to me I pushed them away partly because I had been very into my drugs but partly because I felt hurt by the void it had felt that had been left there
    After a few months my roommate (who had also been someone I had been seeing off and on but we both decided we had our problems we needed to work on before dealing on a relationship and pushed it off until then) told me she was gay, I was angry at first but in the end figured thats not a reason to be mad and thought it would be better to support her because no one else was at the time she came out, we over the next while we had our off and ons, but it was mainly typical roommate stuff, nothing too extreme but then she started bringiong my ex over and seeing her, which wrecked my self esteem as a man so I just ended up doing nothing, I felt I had no place to say "no she can't come over" so I would just lock myself in my room or go on a computer and keep myself busy until she left, in this time I had multiple offers from people I had began talking to online (new friens I was trying to make) to move out, I would tell my roommate I was considering it, she would say but I hae no place to go, and then I would decide against leaving because I didn''t want to do that to a person, then when she came to me about 3 weks ago telling me "I'm moving in like 2 weeks" I was furious, I said I have no place to go, she owed 2000 to the landlords which she won't pay and they will obviously come to me for it at this point, and I lost it, got arrested, can't go back to my place, I can't even get to my stuff at allbecause of all these legal loopholes, I have been staying with my dad since but he is very uncaring with all of this, always explaining how "this hurts me, I am so upset, why do I need this in my life, I can't believe I have been dealt this hand" and not once since I have been here has he asked "are you okay with all of this, how are you feeling" earlier tonight I even had him get mad at me because I was feeling sick and vomiting
    This long story does have an end so please just hang on
    The roommmate I had, as rough as the situation was at times was still a person who I knew cared about me in the end, wanted to know I was okay, and I was the same with her, all of this has left me feeling so alone, so scared, no one to speak to, and very trapped and uncared for, I cut my arms last night, I shaved my head, I took a massive near overdose of drugs and I am not sure where to go
    I just hope that this biography I have written on here is read by someone and.. can somehow lend advice, the crisis line I call never really has much help, they help but its just as a bandaid, my doctor is about to take me off of my anti depressants and I feel at that point it might just be the end, I am scared, please, any suggestions would help
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    why in gods name would doc take you off your anti depressants if you are still depressed. I think you need to talk to a specialist and get some help with your self esteem and your drug problems ok You need to ONLY look after YOU not anyone else hugs
     
  3. GodlessCombo

    GodlessCombo New Member

    I'm going to attempt to find someone else this week, I hope it works out well
    I feel like without having any friends I don't have much of a reason to want to actually give up my addiction.. I was checked into the hospital the other week for an overdose, they checked my liver function and what not.. when they told me my liver was fine and I was okay I felt very upset.. I wanted it to be so badly damaged that I'd have a way out..
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hear you hun i do i am sorry you feel so alone with this battle I do hope you advocate for more support for you ok If you can get into treatment you will meet new people that will understand your fight ok you won't feel so alone then hugs
     
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