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Not feeling well

Lane

SF Supporter
#1
This weekend I'm going to pack my mother's things. My niece will be emotional and I'm usually neutral, but inside I deeply love my mother. There's so much inner family strife and legal issues going on.

I also found out that the car that I've been saving for my daughter, I thought I was paying the car insurance all along, I let it go. I can barely keep track of my own shit, ha. No, I really try to pay my bills on time.

I'm trying to make a relationship work that's not perfect but I know he cares about me and were not young and he knows me and my past, trying to get past idiosyncrasies and I know I'm not perfect. But that nags at me and I wonder if that's right or if I'm meant to be single, but being part of a couple makes sense although the one that I truly connect with isnt a viable option.

My job, I finally have stable employment and no longer have a bar job on the side, but it just pays the mortgage and expects a lot, I'm sure I'm not alone. I try to look at the positives. I don't expect to be happy. I was telling my "partner". I feel too old for a boyfriend, that in many other countries people dont really expect happiness, so I'm actually pretty lucky.

But yesterday, I took a spiral and just really let my suicidal thoughts take over. It's been building up over the course of a week or so. Thank you for reading.
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
#2
Hello @Lane. I haven’t really got much to say other than I’m sorry you’re going through this :(

why isn’t is an option to be with the person you truly connect with?!
 

littlestarsmum

Well-Known Member
#3
I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through, friend. My heart goes out to you at this time. From your message, I can tell that you have a lot on your plate. I know how stressful and overwhelming it must be for you. Please don’t be hard on yourself. Putting an end to your life is not the answer to life’s problems. Such a decision would be tragic beyond words. Do you have a therapist? Do you think it would be helpful to talk to a caring professional? Remember that you deserve to feel better. Know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I know it’s not easy, but stay strong. Sending hugs your way.
 

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#5
I hope you get to feeling better soon Lane. I admire that you are looking for the positives despite going through these hardships. Sending hugs your way <3
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#6
Hello @Lane. I haven’t really got much to say other than I’m sorry you’re going through this :(

why isn’t is an option to be with the person you truly connect with?!
Thank you @Dinolaur . I think he's a certified bachelor. But seriously I have to wait a few years until I get my daughter situated and the travel on my end became an issue. It was too one sided.
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#7
I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through, friend. My heart goes out to you at this time. From your message, I can tell that you have a lot on your plate. I know how stressful and overwhelming it must be for you. Please don’t be hard on yourself. Putting an end to your life is not the answer to life’s problems. Such a decision would be tragic beyond words. Do you have a therapist? Do you think it would be helpful to talk to a caring professional? Remember that you deserve to feel better. Know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I know it’s not easy, but stay strong. Sending hugs your way.
I would like to get back into therapy eventually. I've been on the same meds and the dr added something but I'm afraid to take it because I dont want to seem different at work, crazy right.
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#8
Th
I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through, friend. My heart goes out to you at this time. From your message, I can tell that you have a lot on your plate. I know how stressful and overwhelming it must be for you. Please don’t be hard on yourself. Putting an end to your life is not the answer to life’s problems. Such a decision would be tragic beyond words. Do you have a therapist? Do you think it would be helpful to talk to a caring professional? Remember that you deserve to feel better. Know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I know it’s not easy, but stay strong. Sending hugs your way.
Thanks for your reply @littlestarsmum. I'll be ok. I hope you are too
 

extraterrestrialone

can’t toast bread without burning it
SF Supporter
#10
This weekend I'm going to pack my mother's things. My niece will be emotional and I'm usually neutral, but inside I deeply love my mother. There's so much inner family strife and legal issues going on.

I also found out that the car that I've been saving for my daughter, I thought I was paying the car insurance all along, I let it go. I can barely keep track of my own shit, ha. No, I really try to pay my bills on time.

I'm trying to make a relationship work that's not perfect but I know he cares about me and were not young and he knows me and my past, trying to get past idiosyncrasies and I know I'm not perfect. But that nags at me and I wonder if that's right or if I'm meant to be single, but being part of a couple makes sense although the one that I truly connect with isnt a viable option.

My job, I finally have stable employment and no longer have a bar job on the side, but it just pays the mortgage and expects a lot, I'm sure I'm not alone. I try to look at the positives. I don't expect to be happy. I was telling my "partner". I feel too old for a boyfriend, that in many other countries people dont really expect happiness, so I'm actually pretty lucky.

But yesterday, I took a spiral and just really let my suicidal thoughts take over. It's been building up over the course of a week or so. Thank you for reading.
you already know, i’m sure.... that when i “like” its empathizing. we do have these uncontrollable sad/bad moments and i think that can’t be helped particularly if the lifetime leading up to has been filled with such bumpy roads as those you’ve mentioned. but you alway strike me as very resilient. and i think you do know where to find the happy things in life. i know you’re always searching. i envy you about that! and about much more too. so persevere as i know you will Lane. 🌞😍😊
 

BlueGreen

Well-Known Member
#11
This weekend I'm going to pack my mother's things. My niece will be emotional and I'm usually neutral, but inside I deeply love my mother. There's so much inner family strife and legal issues going on.

I also found out that the car that I've been saving for my daughter, I thought I was paying the car insurance all along, I let it go. I can barely keep track of my own shit, ha. No, I really try to pay my bills on time.

I'm trying to make a relationship work that's not perfect but I know he cares about me and were not young and he knows me and my past, trying to get past idiosyncrasies and I know I'm not perfect. But that nags at me and I wonder if that's right or if I'm meant to be single, but being part of a couple makes sense although the one that I truly connect with isnt a viable option.

My job, I finally have stable employment and no longer have a bar job on the side, but it just pays the mortgage and expects a lot, I'm sure I'm not alone. I try to look at the positives. I don't expect to be happy. I was telling my "partner". I feel too old for a boyfriend, that in many other countries people dont really expect happiness, so I'm actually pretty lucky.

But yesterday, I took a spiral and just really let my suicidal thoughts take over. It's been building up over the course of a week or so. Thank you for reading.
Sounds like you have so much on your plate @Lane. I hope things are a little better today. You are amazing for doing all those things for your family AND have a job. Go easy on yourself *hug
 

Sunspots

★☆ Braced for impact ☆★
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#13
I've only just seen this @Lane
So sorry things are so overwhelming right now, you've certainly got a lot on your plate.
I hope things ease up for you, you do deserve happiness *hug
 

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