This weekend I'm going to pack my mother's things. My niece will be emotional and I'm usually neutral, but inside I deeply love my mother. There's so much inner family strife and legal issues going on.
I also found out that the car that I've been saving for my daughter, I thought I was paying the car insurance all along, I let it go. I can barely keep track of my own shit, ha. No, I really try to pay my bills on time.
I'm trying to make a relationship work that's not perfect but I know he cares about me and were not young and he knows me and my past, trying to get past idiosyncrasies and I know I'm not perfect. But that nags at me and I wonder if that's right or if I'm meant to be single, but being part of a couple makes sense although the one that I truly connect with isnt a viable option.
My job, I finally have stable employment and no longer have a bar job on the side, but it just pays the mortgage and expects a lot, I'm sure I'm not alone. I try to look at the positives. I don't expect to be happy. I was telling my "partner". I feel too old for a boyfriend, that in many other countries people dont really expect happiness, so I'm actually pretty lucky.
But yesterday, I took a spiral and just really let my suicidal thoughts take over. It's been building up over the course of a week or so. Thank you for reading.
I also found out that the car that I've been saving for my daughter, I thought I was paying the car insurance all along, I let it go. I can barely keep track of my own shit, ha. No, I really try to pay my bills on time.
I'm trying to make a relationship work that's not perfect but I know he cares about me and were not young and he knows me and my past, trying to get past idiosyncrasies and I know I'm not perfect. But that nags at me and I wonder if that's right or if I'm meant to be single, but being part of a couple makes sense although the one that I truly connect with isnt a viable option.
My job, I finally have stable employment and no longer have a bar job on the side, but it just pays the mortgage and expects a lot, I'm sure I'm not alone. I try to look at the positives. I don't expect to be happy. I was telling my "partner". I feel too old for a boyfriend, that in many other countries people dont really expect happiness, so I'm actually pretty lucky.
But yesterday, I took a spiral and just really let my suicidal thoughts take over. It's been building up over the course of a week or so. Thank you for reading.