Not felt like this in years

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by voices_inmy_head, Dec 3, 2007.

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  1. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    I suffered suicidal feelings years ago when I was 16/17 and have not felt strong feelings since, I used to write poetry to help, and visit a forum called secret artists and had people to talk to, now I am feeling simular feelings except I have no one to talk to, cant write my poetry and worse lost all my poetry and i am all alone, my family i cant talk to and my friends either as I have always been the should and only have one real friend and she has her own problems, for the first time in my life recently I have tried to self harm, this is how I know it has gotten worse I am depressed because I have never been with someone, but unlike before I am now madly in lust and cant get through to him, maybe if i could just lose myself with some guy id be ok but because of my mothers failed relationships and the guy who tried to rape me i alway turn into a bitch when someone tried to like me,

    I wrote a goodbye letter to someone but dont want to post it because i guess i dont want to die but i cant see myself going on like this...

    I know alcahol makes this worse but alcaholism runs in my blood and i cant always stay away... before i had friends now i have no one and cant see me surviving through this.. i dont hav e much strength left and if i could find my knife i would cut but am too unstable to find it... i dont know what if left to do...
     
  2. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    I need someone to reply, i just dont understand anymore, i have a sucsesdful career but no life outside of that, all i have is my parentd wanting me to be there cause there lonely anf i just want to run away... if i ran now though i would just crash my beautiful car into a wall and end it all,. im not making sense now and I know that but all the people i talked to before are gone and theres no one left.
     
  3. Drew

    Drew Member

    You know, a nice nap, a good book, and perhaps a trip to the amusement park can work wonders for you. Trust me...
     
  4. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    I went to alton towers on 29th oct it helped but not for long, I have one friend but her bf has hurt her, how can i tell her about me when she is suffering herself?
     
  5. Drew

    Drew Member

    You need to get your mind around that, if you are feeling this way for no reason, see your doctor. They can do alot. You maybe scared of a counselor, and it may seem "unmanly" to go, but it is quite wrong to just up and off yourself. I could give you this shamlty line forever. Truth of the matter is, you have the strength within yourself to get to the doctor. Don't let your mind cloud your judgment. You are a wonderful person, and you mean the world to at least two people.
     
  6. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    I went to a chouncelller, after pouring my heart out they wanted me to see a different person and then it took over 2 months to get a second appointment, i felt ignored and usless, i saw what anti-depressents did to my mum i dont want to be on them, im wasting peoples time, i should just go.
     
  7. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    If i could just be witj someomne like me in my area tjem maybe i would feel less alone, i live in england in milton keynes ... dont know what I am posting anymore just need someone
     
  8. incombustible2000

    incombustible2000 Well-Known Member

    hi i am here to listen, if you like, I know things get reall fucked up somtimes, and life is far from easy but tell more about it and I will listen to you honey... I know its sooooooooooooooo hard soooooooooo hard just talk to me, and get it off your chest
     
  9. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    I just dont know what to say anymore, i have drunk myself into oblivion again and for a while I will be able to pretend again, but since I was 13 and my parents divorice and there failed realtionships and that guy who tried to rape me I have never been able to be normal. I have been able to pretend but I have been cracking and soon i wont be able to pretend I have had a surport group but it has gone and now I am all alone, Does this make sense? I hope some of the last things I say do make sense, I am so alone...
     
  10. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    Hi voices! I'm drunk and lonely right now too :(. I relate to you and feel for you.
    The only thing I can tell you is that depression goes away after a while. Please try to hold on. Feel free to vent here. I hope you feel better soon :hug: !
     
  11. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    it went away for years but it has come back again, why is it when something bad sexually nearly happens to you all you can do is obsess over it?
     
  12. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    I hide behind this name because nobody knows me, However I just want to be loved, why does nobody love me, im 21 and spend all my time with my mum or dad because there lonely but Im lonely too and nobody loves me
     
  13. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    I will try to sleep now, the feelings may not go away for long but at least for a while
     
  14. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    It's the Freudian shit. To hell with Freud. I hope sleep makes you feel better and you feel better tomorrow.
     
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