Not feminine enough

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by herenow, Apr 9, 2011.

  1. herenow

    herenow Well-Known Member

    Not sure this fits here...I used to think a long time ago that I was a lesbian, that was just OCD. Now I've realized that I'm probably bisexual, but I don't want to tell anyone, and I'm kind of uncomfortable with women. Although I do think some people know because someone commented "oh what is it with and guys who look like girls?" in this strange tone...yeah.
    Anyway, I feel like I'm not feminine enough. I know I'm not really considered pretty by anyone too much. I never had friends as child tell me I'm pretty or anything. I usually got told I'm nice or something. And I was asking around some guy friends I have and they didn't seem to think of me as very feminine. I think this somehow has to do with feeling defective inside...:pinkrose: :mad:
  2. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    You don't have to be really feminine to be a girl, nor really masculine to be a man. When I was growing up all the way through primary and high school people often mistook me for a boy, but at the end of the day it didn't matter, because I'm a girl, not a boy. Some people like the androgynous look, so either take it into your stride or do something about it -- wear more girly clothes, more make-up, high heels, etc.

    As for the comment your friend made in a strange tone; it didn't make much sense as I think you added or missed a few words out (?) but it doesn't look to me like your friend meant anything by it. I think you're just overreacting and looking for evidence to support your belief that you look like a boy and therefore everyone else thinks that too.

    At the end of the day, believe it or not, not many people give a damn what others look like unless they're looking for a partner, and those who'll reject you because you aren't feminine enough probably aren't worth your time.
  3. herenow

    herenow Well-Known Member

    thanks for the reply...technically I know that...but sometimes it's like a gnawing feeling that I'm not good enough I guess.
  4. herenow

    herenow Well-Known Member

    oh and I meant to say he said "what is it with you and boys who look like girls" but never mind I am just rambling.
  5. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    I grew up with a girl who was part of the gang as it were. Sometimes called Tomboys, after a tomcat. Many girls are not traditionally feminine and these days things like football and soccer is played by more girls. More girls work i what were considered traditional male jobs also.

    The girl I knew and still know was not 'feminine' in the sense that she always dressed in jeans, and a top similar to what boys would wear. She never used make up but when I was young (30 years ago) many girls would not wear make up until they were 18 or so.

    This girl did not look feminine, but one day she wore a dress, put on a simple bit of make up, combed her hair, and emerged as VERY feminine.

    As for your sexuality, I knew a girl who also had a lesbian relationship and then later on got married. She may be bisexual but fell in love with some man and as far as I know lived happily ever after. Which is great.

    She also dressed more in casual attire. I never saw her in a dress but always wondered what she would look like. She was not confident about her body so this was part of the reason. She wore a dress, I missed that occasion, but she looked so different that I would have been stunned.

    Maybe you've dressed casually and in some lesbian circles, there is the political argument that women dressing for men is wrong. Women once burnt bras, but in the scheme of things some ladies bless the bra as it does offer support and comfort. And sure, it looks nice also.

    If your bisexual the same rules about attraction apply.

    Take a nice shower, maybe get your hair styled or ask a friend what style may be best and buy some home kit.

    Wear a dress, shower and wash your hair - a dab of perfume, a touch of make up and you would likely be transformed so that some man, your own age, who may not have noticed you will notice you now!

    Femininity is also expressed in a myriad of ways apart from how you look.

    I'm sure your own self image of yourself is way off the mark and you ought to know that we do not judge a book by its cover.

    you say that not many people have complimented you - but some have said you are nice. Is that not a compliment? Plus, if you've never really been one for making much of an effort in dressing up, maybe if you do then you'll find compliments.

    I mean, you cannot expect people to say you look nice if your wearing a tracksuit or maybe leggings and a t-shirt.

    All you need is one person to think you look beautiful to actually start to believe it. Hopefully you'll meet someone nice - because nobody wants to end up someone not nice.

    Nice is part of the deal for most sane men or women. If you do not look like Miss World, that's OK because most men likely wish they were more masculine in some way. Square chins, bigger biceps, and so on.

    Anyhow, I hope you can feel more at ease and hope you end up with someone nice who might be able to persuade you that of the almost 7 billion people on this planet, you're the one.

    This happens everyday, so hold on in there and don't be afraid to dress nicely.

    Sometimes depression can make you dress down or play down your sexuality. You also face the worry over sexuality but I've known women like you and they ended up fine. One married to a man, the other living with a women for many years now. Both happy.

    Good luck and God Bless.
  6. herenow

    herenow Well-Known Member

    thanks for the reply :) I do wear make up sometimes or things other than tshirts and sweatpants but I guess I'm not as upscale as other girls. I kind of meant to say personality wise I don't think I'm feminine either, but forgot. I keep on forgetting everything. My family doesn't really encourage western girliness traits...we're not from north america and like, their opinion of girlyness is more like being super neat and like "everyone else" which means wearing pants and a tshirt.
    I've never been much in a lesbian circle by the way, I only knew one or so. Also for some reason I find older men like me...I've had like men 30 years older than me flirt with me. I'm not sure why. Anyway, doesn't matter, thanks for the advice!