Not fitting in

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mcmanus, Apr 26, 2013.

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  1. Mcmanus

    Mcmanus Active Member

    I have realized in the past few days that I don't fit in anywhere. Family, work, friends, not even on this blog.
    Alone from birth to death.
    The illusion of being tied or together is exactly that...,an illusion.
    I hope you, general "you", which people seem to have a difficulty understanding, enjoy life and do well. I cannot despite best efforts over decades. Good luck to you. I truly hope you find something within yourselves to hang on to.
  2. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    I think what you are missing is that EVERYONE occasionally feels like you are feeling, and MANY feel that way all the time.

    I don't think it's a matter of fitting in. Who wants to fit into some mold that others have designed as "acceptable". I take great pride in being different. In fact, I can think of no greater insult to me than if someone said to me I was like everyone else.

    I think that perhaps the true problem you are feeling is loneliness? You do not feel a connection to any particular person, either family or friends. If you have felt this way for a long time, then I hope you are seeing a therapist. This may be some chemical imbalance that is making this worse.

    And don't write off things changing. They can, and sometimes, they do.
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I have never fit in. Its painful. I have heard that often when people do not fit in, its because they have not found the people with whom they do fit in. Their tribe, so to speak.

    For me I honestly didnt feel like I fit in with some people because I did not feel good enough about myself. I felt "less than" other people. That was a divide right there. those feelings kept me separate. I talk about this as if it was the past. to be honest, it is current also. I hope you can hang on. I really do.
  4. Mcmanus

    Mcmanus Active Member

    Thank you, Katrina, for your response. I have felt tis way and dealt with this for over 35 years. It is not new to me. I have done the therapy and medication route. It's not like this is new and I haven't tried different solutions.
    It simply occurred to me yesterday that I don't have....a place....where I fit without extreme discomfort... Without people saying well he is that way because of his depression.
    It's ok with me. It isn't new. I simply became clearly conscious of it.
    It is somehow a relief. There is a lowered attachment which gives the inevitable outcome less of a concern in my mind.
    Some people want to help and sooth the anguish but they know they can't. Yet they ask me to carry it so they are not placed in a state of pain.
    That is logical...but not...just.
  5. srilu

    srilu Member

    i think you r very lonely and u think alottt... i mean too much stress..y do u ve to think about each n every creature on this earth except uaself.... i mean even i feel lonelier at tyms..but dt doesnt mean i should stop loving myself..i know its difficult..but try loving yourself.. instead of giving up on your life.. you should find the one made for u... and until u find someone like dat... just try being a PUNJABI... punjabi'z in india are the most funloving people who live life kingz size... no worries... no tensions... no extremez...wateva happens... just live... you ve got one to live.... just go with the flow... you can also go for some courses like 'art of living'... LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL IF THAT BEAUTY LIES IN UA EYES.... BEST LUCK... ;)
  6. srilu

    srilu Member

    So you have lived 35 years thinking of death or planning to why not spend just an year giving a chance to life???If nothing else strikes you, you are atleast not bad at writing about or expressing things...take up as a hobby so that you can explore yourself.
  7. catecholamine

    catecholamine Well-Known Member

    It is common in depression to feel isolated, to feel separate and have trouble feeling connected to others. I had issues with that too when I was very depressed. I lost the feeling of attachment. Medications really help with that. The feeling of belonging and attachment to others came back when I found the right antidepressant that worked for me.
  8. SuzenH

    SuzenH Member

    I too have only recently come to this conclusion. I guess I just never gave "fitting in" much thought before. Now I find myself teetering on the edge and reaching out to no one. Over the years, I just slowly became unattached..more comfortable alone since I didn't fit in and that always made me feel uncomfortable. Why is that I wonder. What dictates fitting in. Our comfort level? How other receive us? I am glad I came to this site today. Maybe giving me something to think about will help me through the night. I know I push people away so I probably don't fit very well anywhere. I don't particularly enjoy socializing because I'm so insecure. Do you find fitting in a problem because you are uncomfortable or do sense others treat you as an outsider? Just curious.
  9. Morisha

    Morisha Active Member

    Believe me you are not the only one who feels like this.

    I feel like I'm a total misfit too. I fail in everything and everywhere.

    But please stay strong,we have to go through this and we'll be stronger! It comes with life,age and experience.
  10. thekindlove

    thekindlove Member

    i have felt like i had nowhere to belong my entire life thus far and im 34. its completely terrible and horrificly frightening. i try to manage these feelings by forcing myself to call up someone that will hang out with me for a while. i actually have a few friends now but i went over 8 years at one time completely isolated with no one i could call if i even wanted to. this will sound dumb...but a good way to meet ppl who have been in extreme isolation is to go to your local AA meeting whether your an alcoholic or just have to have the 'desire to stop drinking'....i did this and no i dont really go anymore...but i met some very caring and kind ppl that would just sit with me in my home and was a very easy friendship as at that time i had zero strenght to even maintain a friendship with anyone. it brought me back to human connection if that makes any sense...and from there i have been a little more successful at friendship as i am estranged from my family and children.

    hugs to you and if no one has told you they love you today...we love you!
  11. cail

    cail New Member

    in a way, i agree with you. we all are born alone and we die alone. but the time in between we can choose to share with other people, even though they dont totally get us and we dont totally get them. there is no totally perfect relationship or situation. all we can do is to try to make a small connection with another person. Lots of these small connections add up to a friendship or a feeling of fitting in. fitting in does not mean being the same as other people or even feeling the same as other people. I struggle with making friends and fitting in, too. for me it is a matter of trying a little is better than not trying at all. when you try even a little bit to connect with another person, even though it is extremely hard, this is like taking a step back from suicide.
  12. Mcmanus

    Mcmanus Active Member

    I haven't been forthcoming. I do have two friendships that are 30 years old. I love them and they love me.
    But they have their own lives, families and children. I do envy them that......silently.
    I will hold on for as long as I can. I still feel alone. And believe we all are alone.
  13. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I don't fit in anywhere either, on top of that, people usually misunderstand my intentions and just think I'm a weird person. I'm actually nice and fun and just want people to accept me. So I know how it is to kind of feel like you're an outcast. But I hope you keep posting here and talking about your feelings, because a lot of us can relate and help.
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