Not fully happy in your relationship, but afraid to leave?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by AsphyxiateOnMisery, Jan 5, 2014.


Are you not fully happy in your relationship but afraid to let it go?

  1. Yes

  2. No

  1. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    how many of you are in a romantic relationship in which you're not fully happy in, but don't want to let it go for one reason or another?

    It doesn't have to be an abusive relationship...just for any reason whatsoever. Maybe because you're not sure how you feel about the person and afraid you'll regret it, or maybe you're afraid to be alone or start over with someone else, etc.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 5, 2014
  2. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I saw a couple of people besides me vote yes, so I was just wondering if anyone wanted to share why they voted yes? For me, feels extremely complicated. We're married...for almost a year now. I do care about him. I do think he cares about me. I do like being around him, his sense of humor, and a certain number of his personality traits.


    I think it's possible that I may enjoy his company for the wrong reasons not wanting to be alone, for instance, or just wanting someone to be there and care about me. There are also a good number of things about him which I happen to find absolutely his ego and self-righteousness, stubornness, irrationality, mentality on life in general, his criticism & judgment of me, lack of empathy and/or sympathy for certain things, and unwillingness to ever listen to me or try to understand me. Also, I'm not so sure that I even know how to "love" someone. I mean, I know I care about him, but I'm not sure if my feelings fall under the category of love, per se. I do know that it's the most I could ever feel for anyone, so I tend to call it love. I know I wouldn't be able to feel more than this for anyone else. But also, he seems to want a lot more from me than I can or am willing to give sometimes; a lot of the time I feel like he wants my entire personality to be something totally different and I don't think I can do that and don't want to even if I could. And since I don't want to, he always makes me feel like what I am just isn't good enough and I'm never trying hard enough to be what he wants.

    To sum it up, I just don't understand why he even wants to be with me if he really feels that way about me. He makes me feel like a stupid, worthless piece of shit sometimes that can't ever do anything right. But on the same tip, he's my husband, I care about him, we've spent every single night and day together since the day we met, and I just can't imagine not having him anymore. It would hurt so badly, and I don't want to start over with anyone else. Plus, being single always leads me into a suicidal spiral.
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Not in a relationship.
  4. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    if you had asked this a couple weeks ago, i probably would have told you my reasons, but i will not speak on them at this site anymore... i do hope that you find happiness... maybe just talking to him openly about how you feel about your relationship and how he sometimes makes you feel... ask if there's anything that you do that hurts him ... maybe you can still salvage it?
  5. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Its completely useless trying to talk to him about something serious. Every time I do, I end up crying. He's so offensive, and doesn't see himself that way at all. I feel like I'd be happier just being a freaking junkie and masking my emotions in that than I am in this relationship.
  6. Syn

    Syn Well-Known Member

    I had a terrible relationship about 3 years ago, some messed up things happened. the longer I stayed in the situation the worse everything got. I was afraid of having to move out and be homeless, and terrified of being alone. When I finally left that situation I may have been sleeping alone on the streets for a while, but I was so much happier. Moral of the story-ish thing? Don't be afraid to get out of a bad situation, getting rid of the tension from any sort of bad relationship (Romantically or otherwise) Is always relieving. Otherwise you just stew in that bad tension and nothing changes.
  7. BeeGee88

    BeeGee88 Member

    In love and had a great relationship for a while but terrible things happened, everything turned around 180 and even though I know it's bad I feel weak and not able to leave. I know it is the only way to move on and live a life with someone I deserve but my heart holds onto memories of good times that I cherish very much and it hurts to know and realize that those memories are past or all just lies anyways...
  8. Ann

    Ann Well-Known Member

    I have to say that I share most of your feelings.
    I really don't know if I love my boyfriend of three years. Sometimes it can be really nice between us but there are always reminders that we are so different and don't get each others. The biggest obstacle between us is his family. Or at least that is the more obvious obstacle. He comes from a place so different that most of the time he makes me feel worthless and I tend to ressent where he comes from (his family has a drastically opposite point of view on life). This big gap between us make me feel like he doesn't love me enough or not in the way that I would like to me loved because he is trying to change me and make me fit in his world (not really trying to embrasse mine). I can see that he cares about me and maybe that is what I am afraid of losing. But sometimes it becomes impossible for me to bear his attitudes. And when something is wrong, he prefer ignoring me while still doing my laundry or buying my favorite food. It puzzles me because my primarily need is love and attention, not laundry or food.
    I know that at first I really loved him (even if it wasn't as passionate as it had been with my ex) but now I really can't tell.
    I sometimes feels like he never loved me in the first place but just took pity on me (he took me in his home when I needed a place to live). And then things happen between us that made it hard for me to trust him.
    And just like you, I sometimes wonder if it is me who cannot love (because of my unstable childhood) or if it is the relationship that is just not good for either of us.
  9. beckka

    beckka Member

    I said yes, because I feel like his mother more so than ever! The house is a mess, he doesn't clean do laundry or cook. What does he's 3rd comes home sleeps and get's up and eat's before work and it starts all over again. We've been married 9 years. When I say I want to leave or I'm not happy it turns into a big fight. He punches things (not me) and so I'm afraid to leave. I don't love him anymore. I just don't know how to get out! Don't know if I'm making a mistake, or if I'm just comfortable......
  10. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Yes but she was a victim of serious DV from her ex - if I left her where would that leave her? So it's complicated
  11. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Beckka - I know it must be hard to think about starting over after 9 years of marriage. Hell, I don't even want to think about it after one year. If you're absolutely sure you don't love him anymore, though, it wouldn't be making a mistake. Unless you'd rather be comfortable than be in love.