Ive been away for a bit because I was trying to ignore this but I cant anymore. Things arent getting better. They just aren't. I dont eat, sleep literally all day and I havent been able to get to sleep before 4am for 2 weeks. I force myself to stay awake and work 8 hr days on 2-3 hours sleep. As much as I try to look towards the future, I cant make out anything. Its all blurry and colorless. My energy is just gone. Im not ready for the future but its here now and i dont think I'll make it too far. I have 1 dependable support system and once shes gone, that'll be it for me I think. No one else will care let alone notice til its too late and after the fact. I'm ready to go now, I really am.