I have friends. We've shared history. We've been through tough times and good times.
But, I'm not getting enough comfort from them than I should. Rather, I get a bunch of small-talk responses whenever I'm at my worst. FB "Likes" aren't really enough. Assuring me "things will be better" is not enough.
I need a comfort zone and that comfort zone is talking to me about things to ease my worry and ease myself. Nobody does that and takes time to. Yet they take every minute out of every day to be posting captioned images, vine videos and images with memes on them to talk.
I'm worried of losing my job, even though it's crap. My manager pulled me aside a few hours ago and questioned my productivity. Even being just a month young there, I'm like expected the world from them to accomplish things. It's retail - retail logic. I've tried my best and applied experiences to that job the best I could. But it doesn't seem enough.
My manager zeroed in on a day where I pulled 14 stocked cases. I had a good defense. Because I had under 30 minutes to do what I needed to do and I had to help four customers. That takes time and I was stuck with even less time, so I did however many I could. I was lucky to see even 10. Yet he was breaking down my hour stock like "you did 5 in one hour...4 the next". Um, hello? I know you're a manager but you should understand this.
I didn't bother arguing with him even if I saw holes in his lecture. Because I know if I argue with him, it would've been instant-termination. He's comparing apples and oranges to how he works compared to how I and others worked. But I continued to listen to him anyways because maybe I need some push from him, I don't know. I just didn't like how unappreciative he came off to me.
But now I'm in worry to death about surviving another day there. I've often told myself that if I fail this one job, I'm walking away from home and not coming back. Because I fear the backlash I'd get from my father for yet another job failure. My home is merely just shelter and nothing more.
So I'm stuck with this fear and worry and I've got not even the company of friends to help. Because, again, they'd rather have small-talk that goes no where, false assurances, no relations and no discussion to take me off my worry. I hate these people. Makes me want to die half the time. In fact, I've posted highly-suggestive suicide statuses on FB - they go ignored. Just, fucking wow, people. Just wow...
But, I'm not getting enough comfort from them than I should. Rather, I get a bunch of small-talk responses whenever I'm at my worst. FB "Likes" aren't really enough. Assuring me "things will be better" is not enough.
I need a comfort zone and that comfort zone is talking to me about things to ease my worry and ease myself. Nobody does that and takes time to. Yet they take every minute out of every day to be posting captioned images, vine videos and images with memes on them to talk.
I'm worried of losing my job, even though it's crap. My manager pulled me aside a few hours ago and questioned my productivity. Even being just a month young there, I'm like expected the world from them to accomplish things. It's retail - retail logic. I've tried my best and applied experiences to that job the best I could. But it doesn't seem enough.
My manager zeroed in on a day where I pulled 14 stocked cases. I had a good defense. Because I had under 30 minutes to do what I needed to do and I had to help four customers. That takes time and I was stuck with even less time, so I did however many I could. I was lucky to see even 10. Yet he was breaking down my hour stock like "you did 5 in one hour...4 the next". Um, hello? I know you're a manager but you should understand this.
I didn't bother arguing with him even if I saw holes in his lecture. Because I know if I argue with him, it would've been instant-termination. He's comparing apples and oranges to how he works compared to how I and others worked. But I continued to listen to him anyways because maybe I need some push from him, I don't know. I just didn't like how unappreciative he came off to me.
But now I'm in worry to death about surviving another day there. I've often told myself that if I fail this one job, I'm walking away from home and not coming back. Because I fear the backlash I'd get from my father for yet another job failure. My home is merely just shelter and nothing more.
So I'm stuck with this fear and worry and I've got not even the company of friends to help. Because, again, they'd rather have small-talk that goes no where, false assurances, no relations and no discussion to take me off my worry. I hate these people. Makes me want to die half the time. In fact, I've posted highly-suggestive suicide statuses on FB - they go ignored. Just, fucking wow, people. Just wow...