not going to fail this time

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by White Dove, Jan 24, 2009.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i have been acused of yet another thing.. but i am not going to fail this time.. not going to fail..

    i did nothing wrong.. i posted what i seen the words i seen, the vision and yet i get acused of coping and pasting because someone said the same thing 5 years ago???? i mean geass..

    people are all the time hurting me with their words.. saying i wont do it or i wont attempt.. then tell the preacher i wont do it.. just ask him?? he will tell you i am very much capable to do it, and im going to do it... i mean it i am going to do it..

    i am tired of this shit.. im tired of being acused of everything. im tired of being acused of a scammer, an idiot, a person just wanting attention.. im tired of my whole dearn life.. i have had it.

    i am not wanted here.. i am not wanted anywhere.. i jusut lost my older brother, the one i just back back in good with and he was the only thing keeping me here.. my younger brother dont care, my dad aint in his right mind to care.. no body does.. everything i do is wrong.. everything i do is so wrong.. i cant post because someone probably already posted it right? okay? what i posted here is what? someone else posted it so its wrong..??? so what else you going to acuse me of? go ahead? what else?? tell me??

    i posted what i seen, what i saw and now its made to look like i did not see it or nothing.. God i cant handle this.. i cant handle it.. i am going to go.. i just cant stand it anymore.. my life is nothing. im worthless piece of crape.. so take your shot at me.. go ahead.. shoot me down this is the thread to do it.. go ahead..

    tell me what you think of me.. tell me how much you hate this little white dove cause you do... i am going and i aint coming back.. my spirit will leave my body and i wont be back ever...

    believe all i want is attention?? good believe that so you wont interfer... several here have did it and im going to be next.. i aint giving a date you all are smart enough to figure it out on your own
     
  2. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Bonjour,

    I'm sorry you're feeling so down. People who claim suicidal people are seeking attention have obviously never felt depression or suffered through suicidal thoughts.

    :hug:

    I would be upset if anything happened to you. SF is a site for everybody, and I can tell you that I have nothing against your white dove. :).

    Sometimes our friends and family can be really frustrating to deal with. That's why its important to keep your head up and believe that you are important enough as it is. And that your depression is trying ot kill you - whispering lies into your ear adn trying to convince you that you really want to kill yourself.

    Stay safe....

    james.
     
  3. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    James, that was a nice and kind reply.. thank you..

    did you know that sometimes it takes something or someone to prove a point to others? yes, they cant see my pain nor my hurt and to them and so many its not real, all they want to do is try and hurt and hurt and hurt until it pushes them over the edge. i was told that several or someone had been sending pms to push those into suicide. i guess the only way for others to really know my pain is to be with the news of the death of me, you know when i told others before that i would do it, they did not believe me nor believe i had the guts nor means to attempt it but when i did they were all shocked at it, they just could not believe i would actually do it. i wished i had not of come back, i wish they had just let me be.. they did not save me, they brought me back into this horriable world to deal with no only the physical aspect of my health but a emotional aspect as well. everything i do is wrong.. everything i post is wrong, if i dont handle something the way others would have handled it then it is wrong, just because i didnt do what they would have done.. i wont post my feelings no more.. i wont post my visions, my thoughts,etc i wont give them the satisfaction of winning because they have won and i give up. even posting this i will get bashed or acussed of feeding off your symphoney or your love. i just needed a friend, someone to tell me that life will get better buit its not.. its not getting better for me because anything i do it will be wrong.. i was even invited to get together but i cant go because then it would give them something to judge me or talk about me after seeing me..

    it will be good for everyone else if i was just gone. sometimes it takes something to make a point or to prove a point to someone. sometimes that proving involves a death. so i will remain quiet. this is the best for everyone.. i am hurting so bad right now its not worth it for me to be here cause everyone would be better off without me, all i do is screw things up but with my death i can finally make things right. with my death i am punishing myself of my stupid errors and ways, i give up.. it has won and i have lost...

    help others here.. not me.. i am not worth it i am not worth your time cause i need and deserve only one thing.. forget about me.. white dove is no more. white dove is a sorry piece of dog crape that needs to be squeshid and buried plain and simple. i am not loved, i never was loved in my life and those that i have loved have left me. they died or they moved away, see i cant even love because when i do it gets taken from me
     
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    You are wanted here. Stay with us. Its o.k to let it out but do not give up on us.
     
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    White Dove you are wrong there are those here who do care about you!! I am your friend and want what is best for you!! You already know you can talk to me anytime!! Your not dog crap, you are a person!! You are in pain and you need to know that someone cares!! I was feeling the same, so I left but I had ppl get ahold of me on MSN and by e-mail letting me know that I was wanted here. I just want you to know I care!! It's hard for me to say love because I wiped that four letter word from my vocabulary along time ago. You can talk to me any time!!!~Joseph~
     
  6. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    look i don't know who has said what or why but why not just ignore other peoples comments. i was concerned about you last time you said all this and it isn't fair to come back then say you are going to die again so soon cos of others. others are not responsible for our actions we are. we have to learn how not to react to peoples shit. sometimes we also misread stuff when we are sensitive. i am not saying that this happened. stay away from confrontation and concentrate on getting yourself well. i am not being mean. tho you will see it that way.

    people on the whole want to help here but this is very hard work. talk about what is really going on in your life, your grief etc instead of saying others are doing this and that. fuck them. use the forum for help... and accept the help from people. i expect i will get a mouthful for this but i spent a long time worrying about you last time and this is literally a direct replication blaming others. IGNORE others. get help for you. if you feel bullied write to the management here. this makes everyone feel bad.

    not said to be nasty. i tried to reach out last time but you ignored me
     
  7. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Dove,

    You and I seem somewhat similar in our reasons for having a strong drive to self-destruct. While I'm not very religious (ok, I'm not religious at all :tongue:) I'm very much an idealist and sentimentalist. I wholly subscribe the the Romantic philosophy on life - particularly that llife can only be aesthetically true if you experience it through emotion.

    And when I first came here I wrote that I could only stand living if I died and proved that my life was a tragedy; my life is nothing compared to showing a manifestation of grief. I was concerned that my life had no meaning if I didn't prove to other people how I felt. Also my heroes are all writers who were lauded posthumously - Proust, Kafka, Poe, etc.

    But then my situation changed, and while I'm still upset, I no longer want to kill myself. I'm frustrated, but not suicidal. If people don't believe you - screw them. Family is often the least responsive to personal crises. But just because you may not have faith in them now, know that when you prove to them that you were serious you'll destroy them.

    You won't hurt them. They won't say you were right, you'll just destroy them. Plus there's a ripple effect associated with suicide. If you end your life, then you'll set a pattern for other people to follow. Suicides go along in families for a reason.

    Anyhow, I'm not trying to moralize, but rather tell you that you're not alone.


    James.
     
  8. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Also, don't get caught up in politics here. We're from different countries, areas, ages, whatever. No need to get too attached to people you don't like or more importantly, people who don't like you :)

    And some people are just mean. I was called a mongrel Fag*ot by somebody so... it happens to everyone once in a while.
     
  9. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member


    james is right. care about the people you trust and want to help etc,. ignore the others. report abuse on here.. it helps keep the place safe. get the help you need and when you feel better share the help around.
     
  10. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    she was permanently banned from this site at one stage because she got into an argument with other members (not me) and you guys let her back in because of her constant whining and manipulation. So I'm not the bad guy here, I'm just sick of it, I used to support her until she got into so many fights with others and not just a few BUT A WHOLE SLEW of things she has said and is saying didn't make sense or add up and if you've got other members from sites coming over here proving that she has lied before and told different versions and facts of stories then what do you expect.

    also if she does have 'magical powers' then she can't be a christian..Christians are forbidden from indulging in the occult..or didn't you know that white dove.

    further more nothing seems to be noted of the many other people she drove away from this site because of her actions, so why feel sorry for her. This is the internet people so wise up, I know we are meant to be supportive but we also shouldn't be gullible suckers. I dare say what ever white dove is 'it' will be back in a few weeks, or maybe the mods should permanently ban here again. :rolleyes:

    Still waiting on you trailer article white dove...oh whats that you have computer problems again...then if someone brings it up again just accuse them of being un-supportive and that there making you kill yourself.

    The only crime here is that this 'thing' has gone on for far too long and all the people shes upset and driven away. but then again they knew what you where.
     
  11. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    sorry if i am making you feel like the bad guy not my intention. i don't know the history. i do know this is a repeat of last time so i have asked the mods to help out cos i have no clue what is going on. i have been duped on the net before too... am sure a few of us have.

    sam x
     
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I have no idea what anyone in this thread is talking about,its too confusing!

    I'm here if you need to talk hun, take care of yourself and please don't attempt, you'll be missed :arms:
     
  13. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i was not banned.. i still visit.. that place.. i was told not to post there without prior approval. sounds to me like this mightbethere seems to be one of the ones there that used to pick on me and hurt me all the time. pretending to be my friend when in all they were never my friend at all

    so they decide to come here just to hurt me here..

    soliloquise they want to hurt me and they will stop at nothing to do that, including bringing up my past, they wont let me drop it and forget about it ever. they assume my pain is not real so i just let them think what they want to think.
     
  14. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I think there is enough drama here to fill a small island, shit perhaps a large one at that. I think that it's ridiculous if you are lying Dove. As in prior posts I have called you out. I've been trying to stay out of the drama but the more and more you post about woah is me, you are the victim, they are out to hurt you, the more I find it incredulous. Seriously, all that mightbehere is asking is that you post that article about the fire that supposedly happened like what, two years ago now. Come on, if you have the article find it. If not all newspapers have online sites. For instance mine here is projo.com for the local paper. Give us the link to your local papers and we'll search fires in trailer parks. Or just give us the article title we'll find it. If you continuously avoid that question OF COURSE people are going to doubt your sincerity.

    And by all means go on and post how I've now made you more suicidal and/or more depressed by being open and honest. If you've got nothing to hide then bare it all.
     
  15. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    i think you should step back from this cycle here.. and that is said without blame.. i dont know you. and involve the mods in this is you are feeling that you are being bullied. concentrate on healing you... nobody can make us do anything at the end of the day. we are responsible for outselves...
    i am sorry you are hurting but i dont think this repetition is gonna help anyone least of all you so please talk to the mods?
     
  16. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member



    i dont even know if there was an article.. i never read it, my minister told me that he seen it in the paper.. i told you and others, if you want a copy of the police report just let me know a physical address and i will send you a copy or you can go and call the police yourself and i can give you the incident number so you can get proof yourself.

    it happened november 16,2007. the address is shady lane. thats not hard to find out. the sheriffs office is overton county sherif in livingston tennessee, the one who answered and went out to the call was officer John mackie - JM06.. The incident report number is # 0711161946 that should be enough evidence there for someone to check on and know its the truth.. it was put in their records on 11/20/2007 at 3:11:47 pm

    now someone please go and get confirmation on this cause its not a lie, my home was destroyed by arson.. the idiot neighbor burnt it down cause he wanted the land, so instead of always demanding me to prove it, go call that sheirffs department and get the truth instead of sitting there and calling me a liar and saying its not the truth.., thats not hard to do..

    if the admin wants, give me a physical address so i can snail mail you a copy of this report.. i will send it to you if you need it..

    edited to say that the address is shady lane monterey tennessee cause the mail comes from monterey in that area..
     
  17. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Susan, I do not mean this to be hurtful or spiteful, but you must realize that constantly telling others that they are responsible for your choice to suicide is not true. The only one that is responsible for you is you. Trying to make others feel guilty by toying with their emotions is part of why so many choose to stop trying to offer support to you. In a sense you are doing the same thing to others that you are so upset about others doing to you.Stop looking for reasons to justify why you need to make the choice to die. If you spent as much time and energy searching for reasons to live as you do to die, you would feel much better about your life. Your posts continue to be redundant and say the same things over and over. Unless you choose to move beyond these issues, things will never change. It is all about your choices. No one else is in control of them. You cannot change the past. It is done and over with. Time to let some of the things go. Live for today. Live in the moment. Right now, at this moment, you are fine. I know that the past traumatic events have an effect on all of us or we wouldn't be in the place we are. They are the catalyst that make us wish we were not alive. But they do not make choices for us. BTW, John Mackie was the officer on call, yes, but he is not the officer assigned to investigate your case. I only wish to see you get beyond this so you can have a life you can be content with. It will never be possible if you continue on the path you currently follow. :hug:
    I am closing this thread as it seems to be in the process of causing more harm to you than good. Please consider what people have said. Not just the negatives, but the positives here as well.
     
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