Not gonna lie, I'm DISCOURAGED!!!

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I dont know what to do anymore. I have to get another job. Which is fine. I like working very much! I find it incredibly theraputic, and I really would prefer to earn my own living as opposed to being on disability. I'm sick and tired of being on assistance programs. I'm grateful they're there don't get me wrong, but it's always rubbed me the wrong way to be on them.

Here's the problem I'm having with all this. I'm now on probation (which kills a backround check) for a crime I didn't knowingly comitt. I was just as much a victim as the one who filed the charges. The guy who did this to me is now dead too. I'm sick and tired of corporate jobs (meaning working for corporations). Their employees mean nothing to them. The little guys doing all the actual labor get paid crap wages too. I was at my last job for 6yrs and still wasnt getting paid squat for all I was doing. New guys were getting hired at wages higher than I was making after being there for that long.

I need to make more money if I'm going to get all my bills paid. I have an outstanding school loan I'd like to pay and need to pay so I could consider that route. Plus I have a learning disability they say, and my memory isn't the greatest since having received so many (about 60) ECT treatments. I'm stuck with crap jobs making crap wages, but inside I feel like my potential is far better, but here I sit. I'm discouraged as crap. I want to believe I can do so much more, but reality has dealt me a far different hand.

Suicide is a serious consideration at this point!
would you consider working for a non profit

i worked for libraries for 11 years. the pay is good, and they are usually unionized with good pension and benefits

is going back to school an option? will disability pay for you to return to school? maybe in a field that is more interesting to you

just trying to give you options other than suicide. don't want to lose you... we've lost too many already...
oh yeah , wanted to add can you get a pardon

i also have a criminal record but i applied for and got a pardon. most employers ask if you have a record for which you have NOT received a pardon. you don't have to disclose your record.


Well-Known Member
I'm still currently on probation till the debt is paid. The conviction won't hurt the backround check. It's a misdemeanor. I was facing 6 felonies, and up to 60yrs in prison (not jail). So, the fact I ended up with one misdemeanor is a miracle. It's the probation that hurts the backround check. When the monies are paid I'm off probation. So many places where I live do the checks, and even the online apps have been instantly denied. If I dont fulfill the terms of probation I could go to prison instead.

Schooling is an issue because I'm so slow to learn, and although my memory is slowly just beginning to improve (it's been 2yrs since ECT stopped now) it is still severely challenged. I couldn't be sure I'd do even ok in school let alone well with it.
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