I'm pretty sure this will be my last year on earth. I already have plans set in motion to take myself out, maybe on New Year's Eve. Unless something really big changes I'm not sticking around for any more of this bullshit I've been living for the last 10 or so years. I've made almost all the changes I can, I'm in the best physical shape since high school, I volunteer, I hang out with friends occasionally, I get enough sleep, nutrition, etc. And still I have no future, no hope. I'd like to move to San Francisco and work at a library there. I'd like to date this girl I know. I'd like to have more money. Guess what? I'm not the one stopping myself with all these things. Some things, a lot of things actually, are out of my control; the economy, timing, hiring. But if you're down everybody assumes it must be your own fault. Sometimes whatever you do yourself just isn't enough, so fuck it. I don't understand how so many people can live to be 80 years old, have multiple children, work a shitty job for decades, stay in the same place their whole lives, and still be happy. Of course that's not the way it looks to them but it is to me. I don't see the point of anything. I'm in my mid-20s and I'm tired as hell, I just want to get off the merry-go-round.