Not good

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by JBird, Jun 5, 2008.

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  1. JBird

    JBird Well-Known Member

    I want to do it but i dont want to do it because im posting here for help. i have a right to be here but i cant handle it at the moment. i've been in a foul mood all day and i've just had a massive fight with my foster mum.

    i just want to be left alone but they wont leave me. i was carted out to their parents house to help move stuff, then i when i went to bed to chill my foster dad had a go at me coz i hadn't unloaded or loaded to dishwasher and just 5 minutes ago my foster mum called me downstairs and screwed at me because apparently, we used too muc cutlery last night and she doesn't think i unloaded the dishwasher completely. she actually screwed at me, just me, because we use too much cutlery. i dont eat, i haven't eaten since last night so she can go fuck herself.

    now im sat here in tears and i've hurt my arms and i just really want to od to get out of here! i want to get out of here!!!!!!!!! i just want eveyone to shut the fuck up and leave me alone in my room to ruin myself. just leave me alone.
  2. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Eh.. i know how you feel :(
    happance to me alot with my parents too.
    Usally in such situations i find computer games as a good escae from reallity
    when i play i dont think about life or whatever, just the game.
    and i can play for hours.
    This is my escape and it helps, what is yours?
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    JKid...sorry you are under such stress...please share with us what is going on and try to find someone to chat with here so that you know you are not alone...big hugs, J
  4. JBird

    JBird Well-Known Member

    I had another big barny with my foster parents today. I don't know if its because i'm a grumpy sod or if its to do with my granddads passing. I want everyone to leave me alone but they won't :sad:

    I've been feeling really ill and lathargic for weeks now and the news about my granddad just pushed me over the edge. I'm sorry that i've been grumpy wit everyone but you know, leave me the hell alone then. I want to curl up in bed and just think, be alone with myself to deal with it te way i'm used to!!! They demand i do my chores, fair do's, i'll do them but then they have a go at me when they think i haven't done them right, same happened today with my foster dad, i'd been waiting for 3 hours to go out with my friend but she kept putting me off so obviously i was pissed off, i had to go out otherwise i'd piss my foster parents off. 3 hours later and i go to do my chores, unloading and loading the dishwasher and mike screws at me because the dishwasher isn't cleaning the dishes properly. How is that my fault? thats a sign that its BROKEN! so he starts explaining i'm gonna have to soak this, was this by hand, do this and that and adds a couple uhundred other things onto my chores knowing i'm finally about to go. He then had a go at my because i'm being stroppy and then called me a liar for some reason.

    It seems really childish but at the moment i really can't cope with it. It got so bad that when i finally went out i decided to do my own shopping so i wouldn't have to eat with them because i haven't been eating properly the last few days coz of them. I don't know, kinda wishing they hadn't fostered me properly now :sad:
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Sorry to hear about all the things upsetting you. Sometimes when we are grieving or depressed it seems like even trivial things are much bigger than they really are. You have been with these foster parents for awhile now and the newness has worn off for both of you. Try to be patient with them and understand maybe they are trying to help you through your grief by keeping you busy. You may be a little resentful at having to do some of these things as well. I hope you are able to work things out. I know this is a better place for you than where you were before. I only wishe to see you happy. :hug:
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