Not having a good day :'(

I had been trying so hard. I knew this would happen. I just knew this would fucking happen. Should have known that it was the calm before the storm. I knew this would fucking happen. I am useless, worthless, ugly, fat, horrible, evil, nasty, scum of the fucking earth. Why is everything my fucking fault? Why can't I just be normal? And to top it off I need my needles but don't fucking have any. Maybe I will just slice myself up good and proper instead. I don't want to wake up in the morning. I want to sleep and sleep and sleep. But I can't. Have to put on a fucking brave face. I dunno how I'm gonna by these next 4 weeks. I want to die. Funny. Yesterday I was looking at wedding dresses and venues. Today I want to die. I'm a selfish, nasty bitch. Can't be fucked with this anymore. The self destruct mode has been set.

 

Hun you are none of those things. And nothing is your fault we all feel like that at times. I know exactly how your feeling but you have loys of ppl who love you. Please don't do anything i love and need you. xx

 

lexi,

this happens to all of us hun

hugs

 

I can't do this. Tonight I've lost my mind.

 

Then go to bed and sleep, tomorrow is another day and hopefully your mind will be rested and able to deal with it a lot better :hug:

 

Lexi :hug: you need to rest, I know it doesn't sound like much but it is late and when u are tired your mind is under greater strain. Also, we get these days, all of us do, worse than other days, you can get through it. Those things you say aren't true hun, you are in pain and thats ok, it's NOT your fault. Keep trying to fight it, for now let urself rest if you can, if not stay here among friends and let us support you, lean on us :hug: love you hun.

 

Thank you for all your words of kindness. I dont deserve them but thank you guys so much.

 

you do, I know you don't think it but from my point of view you do :hug:

 

Get thy arse to bed and sleep, you deserve kind words, kind actions and kind hearts...so rest easy :hug:

 

Im in bed but my mind is racing with all sorts. I cant keep still. Im very restless. Going to try relax now. Sorry for my incoherant babble.

 

Thank you everyone.

 

Hope you sleep ok :hug: speak soon xx