I had been trying so hard. I knew this would happen. I just knew this would fucking happen. Should have known that it was the calm before the storm. I knew this would fucking happen. I am useless, worthless, ugly, fat, horrible, evil, nasty, scum of the fucking earth. Why is everything my fucking fault? Why can't I just be normal? And to top it off I need my needles but don't fucking have any. Maybe I will just slice myself up good and proper instead. I don't want to wake up in the morning. I want to sleep and sleep and sleep. But I can't. Have to put on a fucking brave face. I dunno how I'm gonna by these next 4 weeks. I want to die. Funny. Yesterday I was looking at wedding dresses and venues. Today I want to die. I'm a selfish, nasty bitch. Can't be fucked with this anymore. The self destruct mode has been set.