Not here anymore

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by introuble, Jan 4, 2013.

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  1. introuble

    introuble Member

    Not here anymore...

    I am here but Im not. You see my body and think I AM here. Little do you know I've been gone for awhile now. If only they wouldn't have found me, if only they wouldn't have called the cops and squad. If only I would have took that 1 more pill that would have supposably done the task I set out to do!
    I wouldn't have this hurting now! This numbness, this darkness, this regret, this pain, this self destruction, this loliness, this demon in me that has total control over me and refuses to go away! He keeps me locked inside myself like a prisoner! Egging me on and pushing at me all the time. Its all is such a blur, when did this happen to me and where did the old ME go too I wonder? At one time in my life I had it all, my kids, my fiance, my friends, my family, my job. Looking back now I don't recognize that girl anymore. Where has she gone and when did she slowly disappear out of sight, never to be seen or heard from again!? I try to find her, shes nowhere, I try to talk to her, she doesn't speak, I try to hear if shes there, shes not. I look for signs of her but there's nothing that proved she was ever here!! Did she really exist? Is it in my mind playing tricks on me? I cant remember anymore!?
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Im glad they found you hun what of your children hun they will always need you Yes she still exist hun her core still exist in you You need to heal to find her ok hugs
     
  3. Wysteria Blue

    Wysteria Blue Well-Known Member

    Introuble,

    I can hear your pain so loud and so clear.. I recognize this demon very well. I'm so glad that you can write about it and try to get some of the emotions out instead of holding them all inside. I'm sorry that your loved ones don't fully grasp the nature of your hurt and how much you need them now. Sometimes we have to rely more on the professionals for a while until we can more clearly let them know or they figure it out on their own. I wish you only the best and as much peace as possible. WB
     
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